John Walker's Electronic House

In our 158th ever Rum Doings, our topic is, isn’t it about time we trusted MPs to manage their own business?

We begin with Nick criticising some videos he’s never seen, based on his own mad assumptions. This somewhat leads us to discussing internet abuse, then eventually John’s deserved privilege.

We discover that the holy spirit is a God fart, and have a few guesses at who’s going to die next. We then conclude that all people aged 73 are paedophiles unless proven otherwise.

You are of course required to leave a review on iTunes. Thank you to everyone who has – there are some extremely generous comments up there.

Make sure to follow us on Twitter @rumdoings. If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, which apparently people still do, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

Or you can listen to it right here:

[audio: http://rumdoings.jellycast.com/files/audio/158_rumdoings.mp3]

In our 157th ever Rum Doings, our topic is, is anyone going to be brave enough finally to confront the menace of rollerblades?

Today we’re here to tell you about how to get fat while pregnant. Inspired by an NHS booklet, we learn why the key way to get as fat as possible is to cram carbs into your face while eschewing the likes of saturated fats that might endanger an expectant mother with providing their developing child with substances it needs.

We also discuss… (“we”, ha) Nick also discusses which supplements you should take, in what ends up being an almost exclusively dietary edition. Oh, and Lucy went outside, and now she’s come back in again!

You are of course required to leave a review on iTunes. Thank you to everyone who has – there are some extremely generous comments up there.

Make sure to follow us on Twitter @rumdoings. If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, which apparently people still do, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

Or you can listen to it right here:

[audio: http://rumdoings.jellycast.com/files/audio/157_rumdoings.mp3]

In our 156th ever Rum Doings, our topic is isn’t it about time we went to war with Russia?

Recorded across the Atlantic, on an overly-loud laptop mic in San Francisco, and Nick’s echo chamber in London, Nick naturally insists on talking about bloody videogames. John was at GDC at the time of recording, so despite wanting to talk about anything else, Nick must be obeyed. There’s also talk about San Francisco itself – a peculiar and unsettling mix of opulence and horrendous poverty.

As John struggles through his cold, Nick expresses his hatred of women, and we give the latest news on the death penalty. And hash browns. Mmmmmmm, hash browns.

You are of course required to leave a review on iTunes. Thank you to everyone who has – there are some extremely generous comments up there.

Make sure to follow us on Twitter @rumdoings. If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, which apparently people still do, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

Or you can listen to it right here:

[audio: http://rumdoings.jellycast.com/files/audio/156_rumdoings.mp3]

In our 155th ever Rum Doings, our topic is why don’t they just build the aeroplane out of the same thing they build the black box out of.

We start by wondering where that plane might be, before leaping forward to discuss John’s having impregnated Laura, then nipping to Ukraine to deal with that. And then begins a mighty section on You & Yours and the audiophiles. With diversions into the magical powers of ethernet cables.

There’s talk of the power of fat, and what excellent weapons leeks make. And then more vital ethernet cable coverage.

You are of course required to leave a review on iTunes. Thank you to everyone who has – there are some extremely generous comments up there.

Make sure to follow us on Twitter @rumdoings. If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, which apparently people still do, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

Or you can listen to it right here:

[audio: http://rumdoings.jellycast.com/files/audio/155_rumdoings.mp3]

Oh glorious day!

One of my favourite worst things is BBC Radio 4’s You & Yours. On when I get my lunch, each weekday I get to hear a portion of this most daft of consumer shows, as they spread fear and concern about whatever was in yesterday’s Daily Mail. That’s not to say they don’t sometimes do some good – I believe they were pivotal in ending the banking scam over taking five days to process cheques, and they often do a good job of airing scams to make people aware of what to avoid. But this is always scattered with main host Winifred Robinson’s scaremongering and personal vendettas, as she ceaselessly attempts to campaign against things she’s been proven wrong about, most recently her deranged fury about DAB radio.

Today though, something wonderful happened. The end of the episode featured a segment in which two music engineers came on to explain about the wonders of “high resolution music”. This, we were told by straight faces, was the same as increasing the pixel count of a picture, enabling more detail to be heard. Incredibly at one point one of them acknowledges that previous recording qualities already matched what the human ear could detect, but no no! Despite this, the “harmonics” were more clear if there was a new way to have to buy lots more expensive equipment!

I’m not a sound engineer, and I’ve no idea if there’s genuinely any measurable improvement in the quality of the recording, but I certainly do know that no human would be able to tell.

As they were given air time on this national radio station to make their ridiculous claims entirely unchallenged, unquestioned, and only excitedly enthused about, they played in clips of recordings in “low res” and “high res”, so these experts could explain the difference. And it was pure woo bullshit from start to finish. Brilliantly they made it clear that no one listening would be able to tell any difference between the two because radio waves would take the magics away. But then played them anyway. They would be able to tell, in the studio, listening on a “high definition Sony Walkman” through their £90 billion headphones. They played Ella Fitzgerald twice, explaining which was low and which was high. Winifred declared she could “almost” hear Ella’s breathing on the second, opening the door for some wonderfully silly explanations about the guests’ surprise at how noticeable it was, how it was a “mellower, warmer sound” and “more dynamic”. “It actually started off slightly quieter,” the second expert explains, “and that’s one of the great things of higher resolution, whereas a CD if you like levels it out a bit just by the nature of the delivery, so you’re right, I think it was more noticeable than I thought, and I think we are losing dynamics on a lot of CDs.”

(continue reading…)

In our 154th ever Rum Doings, our topic is whether term time holidays should be met with the death penalty.

We begin with some wonderful news about John’s financial windfall, then move on to our expert discussion on primary schools, about which we both know nothing. John has a good moan about his painful arm, and then for some godforsaken reason Nick insists on going on and on about Scottish independence. We abuse more idiots on Twitter, and then introduce a new law that all new immigrants must go to key parties.

You are of course required to leave a review on iTunes. Thank you to everyone who has – there are some extremely generous comments up there.

Make sure to follow us on Twitter @rumdoings. If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, which apparently people still do, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

Or you can listen to it right here:

[audio: http://rumdoings.jellycast.com/files/audio/154_rumdoings.mp3]

In our 153rd ever Rum Doings, our topic is how they should concrete over the rivers to prevent flooding.

This episode is pretty much one topic: copyright and the public domain. But somehow we still manage to be offensive throughout. This is inspired by an article John wrote on games entering the public domain, and the RAGE AND FURY that ensued. We also celebrate one of the best people ever, Lord Camden.

You are of course required to leave a review on iTunes. Thank you to everyone who has – there are some extremely generous comments up there.

Make sure to follow us on Twitter @rumdoings. If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, which apparently people still do, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

Or you can listen to it right here:

[audio: http://rumdoings.jellycast.com/files/audio/153_rumdoings.mp3]

In our 152nd ever Rum Doings, our topic is: Cuh, still raining!

We begin lamenting the use of vowels in foreign, and then dissertate and expatiate on our favourite words. This somehow leads on to Christian-funded TV movies, which inevitably takes us to further discussions of Adam Buxton and Joe Cornish, comics, and movies.

Then comes the saga of the utter fruitcakes who try to talk to John on Twitter. There’s the idle nature of threats from publishers to gaming outlets, and John lists the reasons he hates Nick.

You are of course required to leave a review on iTunes. Thank you to everyone who has – there are some extremely generous comments up there.

Make sure to follow us on Twitter @rumdoings. If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, which apparently people still do, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

Or you can listen to it right here:

[audio: http://rumdoings.jellycast.com/files/audio/152_rumdoings.mp3]

Are you on a low carb diet? Whether you’re keto, paleo or cavemanning, there’s a good chance you’re craving some cakes, begging for bread, or pining for a pie. Fortunately, there are many delicious low-carb alternatives to all the most tempting treats, and we’ve compiled a the best of them here for you. Read on to find out how you can stick to the diet, while keeping away from flour and sugar!

1) Tortilla Wraps

Remember when tortilla felt like it was a healthy choice, rather than a great chunk of bread? Well, nope, it’s just as packed with the carbs, if not worse! But thankfully there’s a superb way to enjoy your chicken salad in a wrap without turning to flour: lettuce! All you need to do is take a nice big lettuce leaf, pop your sandwich fillings in that, roll it up, and then stare at it on the plate. Just stare, keep staring. Don’t look away! The longer you stare, the more awful everything starts to feel, until eventually you stuff the green, crunchy mess into your mouth in an attempt to make the darkness go away.

2) Those Pub Pies

If you’re like me, one of the toughest aspects of paleo living is losing out on those succulent, tasty pub lunch pies. That gorgeous crust, the combination of pastry and filling – what a thing it is. But what a lot of carbs it is, too! Instead, as a light-weight healthy alternative, why not try sitting in a corner and crying?

3) Pizza!

One of the ultimate comfort foods, pizza has for so long been that Friday night treat, delivered to your front door and gobbled up by all in sight. But that doughy base wouldn’t have been on any cave man’s menu, so it can’t be on ours. But do not fear! There are fantastic pizza substitutes. Why not try taking a circle of cardboard, and then drawing a pizza onto it. Chow on that, until eventually the craving or will goes away.

4) Baked potatoes

Sure, it may seem like a cruel joke when the thing everyone told you was a healthy choice for lunch turns out not to be bloody okay either. But the paleo pantry has much to offer in its place. What about having some more cauliflower instead? Sure, you’ve only eaten cauliflower for the last seventeen meals, but why not have some more again, now, instead of everything nice or fun? This time, why don’t you bake the cauliflower, because you would bake a potato, and perhaps there’s some sort of toxin in cauliflower where if you eat enough of it eventually it causes delusions and the manner in which you cook something will be enough to trick your starving brain into believing it’s some food you actually wanted to eat.

5) Fish and chips

Certainly not appearing in any diet, fish and chips is Britain’s national dish, adored by content people everywhere. They may well feel guilty for all the oil it’s cooked in, but we know better! It’s the flour and the potato about which they should feel unending shame. So here’s a neat tip for your keto supper replacement: oil! Not olive oil, apparently, or any of the oils you can actually buy in shops, because they’re probably made of bread or something. But oils no one has ever heard of before, that can only be bought in specialist shops that exist only during thunderstorms. Oils like elderberry oil, broccoli oil and cheese oil. Just have some of that, in a bowl. With butter.

6) Happiness

We all see the smiles on the faces of people coming out of Subway, or polishing off a bag of crisps outside the service station doors. We want to remember what that was like – to smile, to experience positive feelings. But fortunately there’s a great keto equivalent: despondency. While it may not appear to be quite the same as happiness, it contains 90% fewer carbs to be disappointed, and weeping discards plenty of the body’s unwanted sugars. Sure, your thin friends all eating their cornish pasties and drinking absolutely any form of alcohol that isn’t neat ethanol seem like they’re having a good time, because they are.

In our 151st ever Rum Doings, our topic is: is there a God?

We discuss the news of the day, from two days ago, then Nick says something ill-informed about Tourettes. John the talks about the lying ways of grieving parents. We are the most sensitive of all podcasts. Then moaning about how old we are takes place.

Lucy’s spaying comes under scrutiny, and then we talk about the enormous silliness of King and their attempts to trademark the English language. (We make a mistake here (and by “we” we mean “John”) as King’s trademarks for words like “SWEET!” are for their particular bubble writing logos.) And then we stop.

You are of course required to leave a review on iTunes. Thank you to everyone who has – there are some extremely generous comments up there.

Make sure to follow us on Twitter @rumdoings. If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, which apparently people still do, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

Or you can listen to it right here:

[audio: http://rumdoings.jellycast.com/files/audio/151_rumdoings.mp3]