John Walker's Electronic House

This week in episode 22 we’re not discussing: Is Britain now too much in the thrall of the celebrity culture? Which is harder to say than you might imagine.

Joining us this week, as a special guest, is non-celebrity and friend of ours, Martin Coxall. Nick and I have known him for almost as long as we’ve known each other, so he’s a natural inclusion into this nonsense. Martin sits in the creaky chair, and provides the creaking John would more usually offer.

Things begin with criticising John’s road rage, then criticising John’s pronunciation of years, and a quick insult to the pope. Then we open the mysterious bag containing a mystery rum gift from Victoria, Nick’s wife. What will it be? Will it inevitably be horrible? But then, calamity! An entire pint of coffee is spilt on the carpet, and gets dangerously close to dominating the entire recording.

Which is better for you? Special K, or Frosties? We reveal the TRUTH. We rant against the sanctimonious nature of breakfast cereals, the fear of buying tampons, and then more criticising of John for knowing about periods. That of course brings three men to discuss periods to a depth you probably didn’t want.

What brought down the Romans? The shared bum-sponge we reveal. We complain about QI, ponder the life of the hobo, and confirm the importance of clotted cream. Then of course it’s time to criticise John some more, this time in a reprise of berating him for his consumption of margarine. Sorry about the volume at this point, and your ear drums. Martin exclusively reveals what doesn’t cause cancer. And here’s where you can find out what does and doesn’t cause cancer according to the Daily Mail.

We then have an email about Nick’s dislike of clouds, which somehow becomes an explanation of how wretched Facebook is. Next, thunderstorms. Then religions and the census, and how one might go about being unbaptised, before we dissolve into a rather boring discussion of Star Wars, pleasantly interrupted by a sophisticated criticism of the French language.

Don’t keep it all for yourself, let other people know about this episode, by whichever means you think best. And writing a review on iTunes helps us a great deal. Thanks to everyone who has, and the lovely things they’ve said. We’d appreciate it.

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Today I am the news. Last week Alec and I were invited to join in a conversation about videogames for the Observer newspaper, in response to an article they are running in the magazine today about a man who spent four years playing GTA and doing lots of cocaine. We were gathered to offer an alternative voice about gaming. The subject was “Are virtual worlds more beguiling than the real world?” We were also given the opportunity to offer a short quote that goes into today’s Observer’s Comment section (not currently online), letting us elaborate on any point we might want to make. I chose to make the point that games in no way need to compete or be compared to the real world. They don’t attempt to supplant it, they are a form of entertainment within it.

Our conversation lasted over an hour, and the edited version is just five minutes, so as you might expect the result is just a few short moments, collated from throughout. So I’d like to say that I didn’t only talk about blubbing at Dreamfall, but I found it amusing that they seemed to just somehow know this was my stereotype moment and picked it out. And heck, it’s one of my most significant gaming moments: no wonder I keep bringing it up. Alec also offered a lot of interesting points, and one of them makes the cut, providing a smart angle on online gaming, and helpfully a more balanced voice that prevents the thing becoming an overly-defensive diatribe. Leo Tan PR Man certainly gets the focus, and deservingly so: that handsome face and accent – who could resist? Also he says smart things. Here’s the video:

While perfectly aware that 90% of those with an internet connection have already watched Merton’s video, I still want to post it here. Thanks to housemate Craig’s spotting it before it had a thousand views I feel some sense of not being the last one to the party. Just the last one to remember to post it. I’m prompted to do so by Ben Folds’ reply video, which is splendid all over again. Both videos contain plenty of swears, petal-eared ones.

I’ve not ventured near Chatroulette, partly because I don’t want to see other men’s winkies, and perhaps somewhat more significantly, because I don’t have a webcam. The idea is lovely (apart from the inevitability of winkies), being randomly connected with a stranger over the internet, and then just chatting about whatever. Random connections, random lines being drawn around the globe. Still, I don’t want to join in. What I do want to do, however, is watch Merton singing improvised songs to the people that appear on his screen, 24 hours a day, for the rest of my life. That this is only five and a half minutes pains me. Although he promises more. And since there’s now just shy of 4 million views on the video, I suspect there’s a lot more planned. Here it is:

Clearly there’s going to be a lot of copycats. Perhaps the best so far is from one Ben Folds. It seems quite a few people have suggested/accused Merton of being Ben Folds, which he very politely points out is somewhat unlikely, what with their having different voices. However, it seems the singer caught wind of this and decided to emulate Merton live on stage, hoodie up, improvising with a live audience. The result is splendid. And once again has had all the penises removed for your safety.

Recording in Nick’s brother’s “studio”, in episode 21 we immediately find ourselves discussing the splendid subject of slugs. Before we’ve even introduced the subject we aren’t discussing. Which is: Is bad language the sign of a poor vocabulary, and a poorer imagination?

Have you ever rifled through someone’s bathroom cabinet? Surely no one really would. But what about interviewing technique? Should you allow the interviewee to answer a question? And how about the works of Mr and Mrs Christ’s Enterprise? These are things we talk about! There’s chat about conspiracists, the absolute fact that the Taleban is the Queen’s personal army, and then we celebrate mighty man of history, King Cnut.

Gravelly-voiced singers, the perils of copyright, and Nick’s fascinating discussion of the colour of the sky, all bring us to the ultimate email we’ve received. I use “ultimate” quite deliberately. I feel quite sure it can’t be beaten. If you want to prove us wrong, contact us here. Find out quite how uncommitted you are compared to these two.

We leap like verbal gazelles from jerk chicken to President Clinton, Amnesty failings to Sonny and Cher’s involvement in the situation in the Middle East. And yes, of course, Ramsey’s Messianic Kitchen Nightmares. Learn John’s criminal history, and then… a big musical finish! What an episode.

Do let other people know about this episode, by whichever means you think best. And writing a review on iTunes helps us a great deal. Thanks to everyone who has, and the lovely things they’ve said. We’d appreciate it.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

In a very special edition of Rum Doings, we are joined by comedy writer John Finnemore. We have discussed Mr Finnemore’s work on Rum Doings in the past, especially the fantastic Radio 4 sitcom Cabin Pressure. He’s worked on very many radio and television comedies, perhaps most notably as a lead writer for Mitchell & Webb on both Radio 4 and BBC 2, and despite this still agreed to join us for our twentieth episode.

There’s a topic not under discussion this week too: how are we going to inoculate ourselves against Britain’s road rage epidemic.

You’ll not be surprised to learn much of the topics this week are radio and TV comedy – subjects we’ve spoken about a great deal before. We begin with Cabin Pressure, and quickly move on to the sitcoms that inspired Finnemore, especially Yes Minister. Then find out which surprising 70s sitcom David Mitchell is a fan of, as well as enjoy a brief dissection of The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin. Nick attempts to get John W in trouble, telling tales about his disliking of Fawlty Towers, and then everything goes horribly wrong…

Finnemore defends Victoria Wood’s ‘dinnerladies’. Oh dear. It all falls apart. It almost comes to blows.

Fortunately we quickly move on to John Shuttleworth, good comedy we can all agree on. This takes us to Dad’s Army, which in turn brings us back to Cabin Pressure, especially the desert episode and the fantastic appearance of John Sessions. Nick then launches into a brilliant attempt to tell Finnemore that he’s wrong about the nature of one of his own characters – one he even voices himself. This leads to a lovely discussion of the nature of happiness, as viewed through the Goons.

After more discussion of Cabin Pressure, then talk of the relationship between The Mitchell & Webb Sound and Look, we arrive at the topic of comedians doing advertising. Then changing from commercials to the other side, there’s talk of why the BBC is such a great thing but so desperately lacking self-confidence.

Huge thanks to John Finnemore for joining us for our twentieth episode. We strongly recommend you get hold of Cabin Pressure. It’s a funny and warm radio sitcom of the like that’s very rare today. You can buy both series from Audible here and here, or from iTunes here and here. Oh, and we should probably add that you can hear Finnemore on this week’s episode of The Now Show, 6.30, Friday on Radio 4. Yes, we’re aware of the irony of this.

Do let other people know about this episode, by whichever means you think best. And writing a review on iTunes helps us a great deal. We’d appreciate it.

If you want to email us, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

Episode 19 is here. This week’s topic isn’t: Why are we English too ASHAMED to celebrate St. George’s Day with due dignity and respect, properly? Which is embarrassing to even type.

Things more realistically begin with an explanation of the spiteful nature of tea, pet names for pets, and that which we’ve changed from hating to liking. Find out what temperature we’ve decided will keep your babies alive, and how John disagrees with all baby-based wisdom, leading to Nick denying his daughter her wings.

Of course we talk about Mr Blobby, and Noel’s House Party, and the Late Late Breakfast Show. But you’d been expecting that. And find out who electrocuted an elephant to death. Hear Nick play the mouth-banjo. Don’t hear Nick tell his Oxford interview story. But do hear stories of examinations.

This takes us back to school days, remembering teachers good and bad, and times we went out of our way to get in trouble. And then, more positively, favourite teachers.

There’s a few things we ask for in return for this lovely gift. Could you retweet about it, demand people on forums have a listn, or find any other way to tell new people to listen? And writing a review on iTunes helps us a great deal. We’d appreciate it.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

Seems like it’s fun to post this while it’s still under 200k views, but in a larger part because this is a celebration of a victory over EMI, with the video being embeddable. To find out why that matters, see here. Meanwhile, this is absolutely astonishing, whether the cut after the blue curtains is terrible or not. Cheers to Kim for alerting me.

So yes, I’m doing H again, but that’s because I just discovered How To Make It In America. So there it is. There’s the notable exception of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia below. It’s a brilliant show and I’m seasons behind. I’ll eventually catch up, because it’s always worth watching. But I haven’t, and don’t have anything relevant to say about it.

If you read nothing else in this post, please watch the video under Leverage. It’s four minutes that won’t be wasted.

How To Make It In America – HBO

To describe it this sounds like every first-year student TV writing project. Two guys who live on the edge of a criminal lifestyle, yet somehow hanging out on the elite New York partying scene, swearing at each other and attracting all who pass by. Yet the delivery changes a lot. The cast is strong (Luis Guzmán being reliably menacing alongside the younger, prettier crowd), and it’s occasionally aesthetically inspired. The direction is smart, and with a fantastic soundtrack (helpfully documented on the show’s site), its presentation helps cover gaps the perhaps not stunningly original themes may leave. The second scene of the first episode, pulling back to reveal Victor Rasuk standing on the back of a bicycle ridden by a Hasidic Jewish boy, outlines the smart wit. “Stay strong, He-brew.”

It’ll be interesting to see if the guys-struggling-to-keep-up-with-the-scene story is strong enough to sustain. In terms of story theme it feels like it falls halfway between the astonishing Bored To Death and the atrocious Entourage. There’s a tendency for the characters to speak in speeches, which feels a shame in a show that would benefit from a more naturalistic delivery. The heavy script of Bored To Death works so well because it’s so spectacularly refined, but here it seems to be holding things back somewhat. People don’t say, “He who hesitates masturbates!” and then twinkle their eyes. And perhaps they didn’t need the drunk guy shouting to his ex-girlfriend from the street scene immediately. Or someone complaining about being woken up and pulling the pillow over their head… But wow, the soundtrack helps me forgive a lot.

(continue reading…)

Here is a handy guide to understanding the future of the BBC under the Conservatives. A schools pack is available.

Stuart X: It’s like that thing they had to cancel with local-news websites or video or something last year, because it was so good that commercial operations couldn’t compete.
Stuart X: WHY THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT THAT?
Stuart X: We’re forced by law to pay for something that’s made deliberately worse.
John X: Don’t worry, not for much longer!
Stuart X: They’re going to stop charging?!??!!???!!?
John X: Entirely!
Stuart X: And it won’t turn out to be just another shitty ITV??!?!?!!?!?!
John X: No no, you misunderstand.
John X: Imagine it like this:
John X: Imagine I’m a bread shop.
John X: And I sell bread for 80p a loaf.
John X: Okay?
Stuart X: Following you so far.
John X: So if you want some bread, currently you have to pay me 80p.
John X: Well, what’s going to happen under the nice Mr Cameron is my bread shop is going to be destroyed by a nuclear bomb.
John X: So you won’t have to pay 80p for bread ever again!
Stuart X: But where will I get bread?
John X: There’s no bread.
Stuart X: I don’t understand! I LIKE BREAD!
John X: Be quiet.
Stuart X: The only other stuff I can put marmalade on is made by Ian’s Tasty Vittles down the road, and it’s made of dogshit.
John X: I said be quiet.
Stuart X: And I have to stop eating every three bites so I can throw up.
John X: Can somebody call the police?

New Rule. It’s an emergency one.

#38 NO ONLINE ACCOUNTS FOR BABIES OR PETS OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT ISN’T YOU.

Completely outlawed are Twitter, Facebook, Bebo or whatever else accounts for anyone that isn’t you. Your baby can neither read nor write, let alone comprehend what Twitter is. Your baby is a barely sentient parasite, and there’s nothing cute or endearing about pretending that he or she is writing your observations that you somehow think – despite there being almost 7 billion people are alive – are unique to your vomiting blob.

The same goes for pets. Your cat isn’t typing, is it? What is it doing? It’s ignoring you, isn’t it? Your cat has better things to do than you, which is why it’s not writing on Twitter about how much it loves its mummy. You are. So stop it, because good grief.