John Walker's Electronic House

Today Kieron leaves Rock, Paper, Shotgun, on his 35th birthday. Because games journalists aren’t allowed to be 35. This means he has to fall back on his fledgling comic book writing hobby.

The last thing I imagine KG wants is sycophantic tributes, because he’s a terrible man who doesn’t deserve them. But I still feel compelled to at least say:

He’s the reason I’m in this job. Which is either a massive compliment or insult, depending upon how you view getting to do your great loves (writing, gaming) as a career, getting paid almost no money and living on scraps. While he wasn’t the member of PCG staff who gave me my break (that was Mark Donald, who I think genuinely regretted it for the rest of his time on the magazine), he was the man at the mag who fought for me when I messed up, and put special effort into making me a better writer. Also, he was the reason I wanted to write for them in the first place. It was, as I’ve said far too many times, his Descent 3 review (as the tip of a mountain of KG pieces – he was the writer in the mag whose pieces I’d read just because his name was on them) that made me want to do the same job. Two issues later I was published in the magazine.

And now he’s dead. Dead to me, at least, because who cares about stupid comic books, right?

Despite everything, it’s been something approaching a pleasure to work with him for the last, oh good grief, twelve years. And especially in creating Rock, Paper, Shotgun over the last three. He leaves us in a position where we’re finally about to maybe actually make some money after three years of work, making him both a generous soul, and an extraordinarily inept businessman.

Kieron’s goodbye post is here, with further thoughts here.

But that’s it, apart from when it isn’t, for his games journalism career. He’ll be fondly remembered, that Keiran Gillan.

Oh, Thursday. You and your sick sense of humour. Or perhaps it’s pure malice.

Today was framed to suck from the start. Last night my problematic tooth became intolerably problematic, a root filling seeming to have not done the trick to prevent its misbehaving, and most peculiarly it was gradually changing my bite until I couldn’t bring my front teeth together.

I could have made another emergency appointment with a local NHS dentist, but I’m still feeling stung (literally) from the last time two weeks ago. My regular dentist is two hours’ drive away in Guildford, in the form of my dad. But he was on holiday two weeks back, so I had no choice. Unfortunately, the dentist I got managed to not only fail to remove all the nerve from the tooth in two attempts in two consecutive days (the first attempt made things enormously worse, once the 900 gallons of anaesthetic that had made my nose go numb finally wore off), but worse, she had injected anaesthetic directly into the muscle in my jaw, which apparently caused a blood clot to form around the wound, which is why it still hurts to open and close my mouth.

My dad undid her mess and did a splendid root canal filling, which looked pristine on the x-ray. But a week later the pain was returning. Which is odd, for a tooth from which he’d removed the remaining nerve completely. Since I’m away on holiday on Monday, and away this weekend too, there was no other time than Thursday lunchtime. An uneventful drive down to Guildford got me to the surgery in just over two hours, and quickly my dad was trying to diagnose what was going on.

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As you may have noticed, there was no Rum Doings this week. Nor last week. And nor will there be one next week.

This is all Nick’s fault. He selfishly went on holiday last week, and now he’s selfishly forcing me to go on holiday next week. I can’t apologise for Nick, but I can at least join you in your abject rage and unending disappointment with him.

He is unrepentant, naturally. But then, sociopaths tend to be that way. Again, I just wish I could tell you better news, but that’s the way he’s forcing things to be.

Rum Doings Episode 42 begins with a story. A very special story which you can buy here.

What we’re not discussing this week is: how do we get Britain’s heathen backside heaved back onto a Christian pew? In an attempt to avoid the topic, we drink some Rum & Raisin non-alcoholic sadness.

Naturally we discuss blocked ears, botched nose operations, dancing, the self-consciousness of theatre, and torrenting. We ponder ad-busting, last names, and green visa-waiver forms. And telephone scams! And John’s accident heroics.

Tweet it, Facebook it, do whatever it is that makes the internet work. And writing a review on iTunes makes us happy in our tummies.

If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, sigh, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

Or you can listen to it right here!

[audio: http://rumdoings.jellycast.com/files/audio/rumdoings_e42.mp3]

As you’ll have noticed, by Episode 41 we’re not funny any more. But it’s fun to remember when we were.

You may also be wondering where episode 40 is. Well, it’s slipped out of time, and you’ll have to live with that. It might come back later.

Together we don’t discuss whether we should bring back fox hunting, but we do drink blackcurrant and rum wine. Then Nick demands that John talk about web comics. We discuss our favourite comic to hate, User Friendly. And as mentioned, here’s John’s decade-old spoof:

And then Nick makes John talk about Brian’s Guide. And banks. And FOSDEM. There’s a horrible story about the Discovery Channel, and uplifting stories about people’s generosity.

Then Mega Drives. And the future of consoles. And somehow Nick initiates this discussion. And just in case we’ve not been funny enough, we talk about speed cameras and car accidents.

Tweet it, Facebook it, do whatever it is that makes the internet work. And writing a review on iTunes makes us happy in our tummies.

If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, sigh, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

Or you can listen to it right here!

[audio: http://rumdoings.jellycast.com/files/audio/rumdoings_e41.mp3]

Episode 39 sees us not discussing: What can we do about Hula Hoops and comic books and their effect on the moral turpitude of the youth?

Back on creaky furniture, arguing over mead, things feel very traditional but for Nick’s peculiar quietness. We talk about times in the witch-encrusted New Forest. Nick reveals the location of Anne Frank’s remains. Nuts are put in their place.

We consider accents, shrieking families, and morris dancing. We talk with pleasure about Radio 4’s former quiz show All The Way From Memphis. There’s thoughts on Sherlock, Nick’s holidays, and John’s world exclusive weight loss programme. And Bath’s weather.

Tweet it, Facebook it, do whatever it is that makes the internet work. And writing a review on iTunes makes us happy in our tummies.

If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, sigh, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

Or you can listen to it right here!

[audio: http://rumdoings.jellycast.com/files/audio/rumdoings_e39.mp3]

It’s the summer, and to celebrate Nick and I are giving ourselves a break from the sickening sight of each other. So this Episode 38 is something of a “best of” I discovered while rooting around in the attic fifty years in the future. It collects together moments from episodes 1 to 10, which I’d forgotten, and you probably did too.

Don’t ignore it just because of that! It’s really good! It’s the half hour of decent bits from the first 450. In hindsight we probably should have included more decent bits. Nick sings! John doesn’t! The origin of cream teas! What an unbelievable treat.

Tweet it, Facebook it, do whatever it is that makes the internet work. And writing a review on iTunes makes us happy in our tummies.

If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, sigh, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

Or you can listen to it right here!

[audio: http://rumdoings.jellycast.com/files/audio/rumdoings_e38.mp3]

Sore back? Flaky skin? Difficulty sleeping at night? Why not try church?!

For a few years now there’s been a project called Back To Church Sunday. It’s the peculiar name for a day that encourages people to attend church on that one occasion (that isn’t Christmas or Easter), with the assumption implicit in the title that they simply must have been before. (Apparently, when it began, it was intended to encourage those who have left to return, but now its remit has expanded. Unfortunately its name has not.) Presumably the intention is if you can encourage people to come along just this once they’ll realise what they’re missing out on, and choose to stick around.

However, the somewhat awkwardly arrogant name is not the real issue about the campaign. That real issue would be that almost nowhere on their website or promotional materials do they make any mention of God or Jesus, or anything that Christianity is about. Instead they’re trying to sell you your local church as a quality spa day for you and your best friends.

The clearest example of this is their radio advert, which I’ve streamed below. Just hit the play button.

[audio:http://pool.cream.org/back/backto.mp3]

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We’re not really here. We’re in the past. In Episode 37 of Rum Doings we’re speaking to you from history. We’re not discussing whether organic produce is worth the premium for hard-working families.

Can you still lie in? Should God save the Queen? Then something I can’t bring myself to even type. But we can all see who really has the problem, Nick.

Once Nick stops upsetting John with horrible comments (surely this time he’ll garner complaints – come on people, complain), he then criticises John’s job. Then criticises his washing machine.

Why are John and Nick still friends, despite everything? What’s the secret to our parody of success?

Nick needs some suggestions for stopping the nasty boys in his neighbourhood on their noisy bikes. John tries to defend GPs. We then argue for more traffic wardens, and Traffic Politeness Officers. And the taint of BMWs.

Then we ponder the great debate of our time: how do you deal with a fly in your cake cabinet in Starbucks? And when should you sue a Starbucks?

Pencils, handwriting, typing, we cover all the big issues.

Then the tale of when Chris Eubank crushed John’s hand, and his ensuing madness.

Make us more famous than the moon. Tweet it, Facebook it, do whatever it is you young people do. And writing a review on iTunes helps us a great deal.

If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, sigh, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

You may have been following the saga of Rev. Stuart Campbell Vs. Benchmark Reviews. You may now be wondering why Stu’s site is dead. Here’s the story.

Someone on Stu’s forum spotted a review on the tech site for a chair. A chair called the Herman Miller Embody. It costs $1200, and will apparently cure world hunger. Large sections of the review read an awful lot like a press release. It was filled with the sorts of daft, exaggerated nonsense that wouldn’t make sense for a reviewer to write. Spurious claims of medical benefits, peculiar puff about its design. Stu wrote about this. People who left comments asking about this found their words were instantly deleted. Stu, who then tried to leave another comment asking why, found himself IP banned from the site. As in, he wasn’t even allowed to look at the site from his computer.

Stu updated about this on his blog. He wrote explaining what was happening, and included some evidence that demonstrated that the text on the Benchmark Review site was absolutely directly from press releases and statements made by Herman Miller. Benchmark responded to this by a) changing those passages that Stu pointed out (then declaring that they’d always been that way), and b) published Stu’s home address and phone number on their forum.

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