PC Gamer Updates
by John Walker on Jul.05, 2007, under The Rest
Three bits and pieces with which I’m involved on the Gamer website.
First off is the new ish post on the blog.
Then there’s a review of the rather rubbish Driver: Parallel Lines.
And there’s the new podcast, in which I take part along with Ross, Tom and Kieron.
I’m In French!
by John Walker on Jul.04, 2007, under The Rest
My words reach around the world. I like to think I will one day bring global harmony through my humble text.
Olbermann: 4th July Vs. Bush
by John Walker on Jul.04, 2007, under The Rest
After this gobsmacking, atrocious story yesterday, Earth’s Greatest Hero, Olbermann, did something an American news anchor has never done – he called for the president and vice president’s resignation.
Dexter: Emasculated
by John Walker on Jul.03, 2007, under Photos
One day in every kitten’s life, a boy must become a eunuch.
Poor old Dex. Only ever blessed with one outside testicle, the other has stayed determinedly indoors. Thought to be either in his abdomen or his groin, it turned out to be both, stuck just after passing from one to the other. Which meant the poor bugger got two incisions, and the biggest bill possible.
Now he mopes. He mopes in his castle, and he mopes in his kitten house.
And most weirdly, he moped inside the crappy old couch, after finding a rip in the material underneath. And he mopes on Craig’s bed, where he literally licks his wounds in the most peculiar sitting position.
Click pics for biggies.
Review: Lost Planet
by John Walker on Jul.02, 2007, under The Rest
You will remember Kristan’s review of the original version back in January, in which he was one of the few not to be all confused by the pretty graphics, and recognise quite how hollow the experience really was. So today we’re here to find out how Capcom have managed to shed marks in the last six months.
Like it says.
My Nemesis
by John Walker on Jul.02, 2007, under The Rest
There’s this bird – a dunnock – that sits outside my house and cheeps. How lovely, you might think. A little bird singing its heart out for you to hear. You might think.
This creature, this hellborn fiend, is the bane of my existence.
Every day, every single day, for the last few weeks, this BASTARD has ceaselessly uttered its piercing micro-shriek every two to three seconds, all day long, from before I wake up until after dark. It’s like the most evil car alarm in the world, except you can’t batter its doors in with a shovel. (Oh, but believe me, if I got the chance…)
I believe it has discovered the resonating frequency of my brain. Every time, every single time, it opens its foul little beak, a piece of me dies away. But does it do it with any regularity? Oh no. Nothing so predictable. Two second gap, followed by three second, then a sudden hope inspiring (perhaps it’s had a little birdy heartattack) ten seconds, then a sudden burst of them split seconds apart.
It taunts me, sitting on high tree branches, or telegraph wires, out of reach of my cat, and indeed my own mad, chasing clawed fists. It has successfully driven me insane. To the point where I have been stood on my doorstep at 8am, in my boxershorts and a t-shirt, clutching a super-soaker, trying to drown the little shit in the air. What has become of me? But believe me, I’ve hit it a bunch of times. I’ve sprayed that demon right in its hateful little face. It shuts it up briefly, and thus is worth not only the effort, but the certified madness. My dream: that I get a droplet down its little birdy lungs, and it coughs, lets out a strangled gurgle, and falls to the floor. Dead. Where I will dance around its spiteful corpse, and then feed it to my cat.
Its motivations are territorial. And believe me – it’s working. If it doesn’t bugger off soon, I will.
Preview: Fallout 3
by John Walker on Jul.01, 2007, under The Rest
Like so very many people, Bethesda – the team behind the Elder Scrolls series, most recently Oblivion – fell in love with Fallout in 1997. A turn-based RPG, it is often heralded as Interplay’s finest moment, crafting an elaborate post-nuclear world, and a story of intricate depth. It was so fantastically iconic. And not in that awful way people so lazily use that word now, but truly creating gaming icons. Vault-Boy, with his thumb pointing up and his ridiculously cheery grin, a bitter lie in a devastated world. The PIPBoy 2000 and its all-in-one justification for maps, objectives and character info. The SPECIAL System (Strength, Perception, Endurance, Charisma, Intelligence, Agility, and Luck).
But most of all, there was a sense of professionalism missing from so many games. The opening sequences for both Fallout 1 and 2, the beautiful ’40s music, the astonishingly crafted retro-future, the shocking and revelatory endings, and the sense of extraordinary freedom. That’s an awful lot to live up to.
Super-world exclusive! Except for everyone else going live with it at the same time. And some US mag already running it a couple of weeks back. But apart from that! Fallout 3 preview!
Fishies
by John Walker on Jun.30, 2007, under The Rest
Stolen from Your Daily Awesome:
Ignore the nonsense at the beginning, and wait for the octopuses.