John Walker's Electronic House

Here’s a couple of examples of people being brilliant at what they do.

First of all, there’s comic Dan Telfer doing stand up in Chicago last month. Audience interaction can be some stand ups greatest strength, and others complete downfall. Richard Herring, for instance, does not cope well with it. While he had notable success with a heckler a while back, it still reveals how reliant he is on getting through his script when performing, and his stand up almost never includes deliberate interaction with the crowd, unless it’s entirely one way. Whereas someone like Phil Kay would be lost without distractions, almost never sticking to a planned routine, allowing events to direct him. Many comedians existing in the space within will attempt to deliberately involve the audience, which if it’s to be funny relies on knowing your material and rapport. I’m not sure I’ve seen a better example of this than Dan Telfer. In the clip below he invites people from the audience to name their favourite dinosaurs, and then, no matter the name given, angrily mocks them for their choice with precise detail. It’s not only an impressive/autistic knowledge of dinosaurs, but also extremely funny too. This is a man who is just very good at his job:

Secondly, while you’ve inevitably heard about the extraordinary 70-68 fifth set score at Wimbledon this year, you might not have read Xan Brooks’ live blogging of the match on the Guardian website. It is phenomenally funny. I recommend starting from 4pm onward, and then read through to the end of the day. His job is to keep readers up to date on scores and events, and to do it in a fun, interesting way. And this is exactly what he’s done, better than you could hope. It’s so extraordinarily funny. Here are some highlights, but there are so very, very many more excellent moments:

4.05pm: On and on they go. Soon they will sprout beards and their hair will grow down their backs, and their tennis whites will yellow and then rot off their bodies. And still they will stand out there on Court 18, belting aces and listening as the umpire calls the score. Finally, I suppose, one of them will die.

6pm: The score stands at 34-34. In order to stay upright and keep their strength, John Isner and Nicolas Mahut have now started eating members of the audience. They trudge back to the baseline, gnawing on thigh-bones and sucking intestines. They have decided that they will stay on Court 18 until every spectator is eaten. Only then, they say, will they consider ending their contest.

6.25pm: I’m wondering if maybe an angel will come and set them free. Is this too much to ask? Just one slender angel, with white wings and a wise smile, to tell them that’s it’s all right, they have suffered enough and that they are now being recalled. The angel could hug them and kiss their brows and invite them to lay their rackets gently on the grass. And then they could all ascend to heaven together. John Isner, Nicolas Mahut and the kind angel that saved them.

7.45pm: What happens if we steal their rackets? If we steal their rackets, the zombies can no longer hit their aces and thump their backhands and keep us all prisoner on Court 18. I’m shocked that this is only occurring to me now. Will nobody run onto the court and steal their rackets? Are they all too scared of the zombies’ clutching claws and gore-stained teeth? Steal their rackets and we can all go home. Who’s with me? Steal their rackets and then run for the tube.

8.40pm: It’s 56 games all and darkness is falling. This, needless to say, is not a good development, because everybody knows that zombies like the dark. So far in this match they’ve been comparatively puny and manageable, only eating a few of the spectators in between bashing their serves.

But come night-fall the world is their oyster. They will play on, play on, right through until dawn. Perhaps they will even leave the court during the change-overs to munch on other people. Has Roger Federer left the grounds? Perhaps they will munch on him, hounding him down as he runs for his car, disembowelling him in the parking lot and leaving Wimbledon without its reigning champion. Maybe they will even eat the trophy too.

Growing darker, darker all the while.

9.25pm: Still, if you’re going to watch a pair of zombies go at each other for eleventy-billion hours, far into the night, it might as well be these zombies. They were incredible, astonishing, indefatigable. They fell over frequently but they never stayed down. My hat goes off to these zombies. Possibly my head goes off to them too.

Please do read the rest, because there’s so much greatness in there.

In our 32nd podcast, with Nick fully recovered from last week’s cold, we don’t discuss EEEEEEEERRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

We cover all bases when discussing football, ponder Trident, and wonder if cream teas work abroad. Then via coming out stories we discuss the James Randi Educational Foundation million dollar prize, dowsing, and how cold reading works. Then there’s memories of some of the funniest moments of Magician Uri Geller looking like a fraud and a fool. Unfortunately the programme On Holiday With The Gellers is not on 4oD. But please do enjoy his being exposed by James Randi on Johnny Carson’s show:

Sadly we cannot link to the clip from Leverage, due to the pathetic stupidity of TNT demanding that the free promotion of the programme be removed from YouTube. But we do discuss a number of television programmes that have professed to demonstrate paranormal powers, and some that have set out to do the opposite. We consider the complexity of stochasticity, the uncomfortable nature of pranks, and we wonder at the wisdom of the NHS’s “Wake Up To Rape” campaign.

Meet John’s sock puppet boss. And then there’s a few words on the budget. Which you’ll not be surprised to learn end up being more about the Matrix and how we annoy our friends.

Trumpet the excitement of us to the world. Tweet it, Facebook it, do whatever it is you young people do. And writing a review on iTunes helps us a great deal. Cool people do it. You want to be in the cool gang.

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It’s hard to find words to express the horrific duplicity of Nick Clegg and his Liberal Democrat party. So to comment on today’s budget, and the announcement from the Coalition Government that VAT would be raised to 20%, I’m instead going to use some words Nick Clegg said on the 8th April:

Nick Clegg reveals Tories’ £13bn VAT bombshell

“Liberal Democrats have costed, in full, our proposals for tax cuts. We can tell you, penny for penny, pound for pound, who pays for them.

So if you’re on an ordinary income, you have a choice. If you want your taxes to rise: vote Labour or Conservative. If you want your taxes to fall: choose the Liberal Democrats.”

In an unprecedented 31st episode of Rum Doings we don’t discuss whether we are dissatisfied with the results of the Liberal Tory coalition.

Instead we attempt to muster some sense of interest in the football, but far more quickly find rounders and six year old cricket more interesting. There’s thoughts on how Americans are much better at spelling than the British, potential new reality shows, and Biker Grove facts.

Can you own slippers without a pipe? Who is the best audience for easy comedy? And how tidy should your desktop be? And we explore new territory in removing the funny from comedy.

We recall our most dangerous teachers, and most criminal teachers, and plans to help gym teachers. Court-based naughty steps, short-cuts in French, and idling on runways. Then some clear rules about speaking on public transport.

Trumpet the excitement of us to the world. Tweet it, Facebook it, do whatever it is you young people do. And writing a review on iTunes helps us a great deal. Cool people do it. You want to be in the cool gang.

If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, sigh, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

As you know we mark our every 10th episode with something very special. Our Now Show edition, special celebrity guest John Finnemore, and then for episode 30… John’s girlfriend Laura! Calm down.

Yes, indeed, episode 30 of Rum Doings contains a girl.

Ew.

The topic of this episode to not discuss: What are we to do about the tragedy of the increasing dearth of Britain’s dwindling bees. Population.

Obviously we recognise that a girl being on the podcast will upset a lot of people, so if you wish to send her hate mail, please address it to this address.

We wonder at how a couple splits its mp3 collection, slander John’s childhood girlfriends, and and listen as John’s cat Dexter pathetically mews at the door. We concur that the Midlands are in the North, and then make sure we lose all our Midlander listeners.

There’s discussion of how bad episode 1 was, and how Laura is mad. Which science is best, and why Nick doesn’t believe in Thor. John’s job is pulled to pieces, with suggestions of features about Dexter in the Economist. Nick then sings the arcades. And what’s wrong with a job building sandcastles?

Then we become Top Gear, with our amazing analysis of cupholders in a Toyota Yaris. If you’re having trouble getting to sleep, listen to this part of the podcast. Or start knitting. And would Eurovision work in America?

Inform everyone you know. At all costs, promote us. And writing a review on iTunes helps us a great deal. Cool people do it. You want to be in the cool gang.

If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, for some dreadful reason, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

I’ve had a few requests for me to publish my dissertation online. So I’m obliging. I’m sticking it up as a blog post, because heck, why not? But it is of course 10,000 words, so I apologise to your scrollbar.

It’s about the way stories affect the way we perceive our lives. It was written for a degree titled: Youth and Community Work & Applied Theology. So obviously it focuses on how story affects young people, and from a Christian perspective. However, I cover subjects like fairytale in some depth, and believe the principles apply to all ages. I wrote it five years ago, aged 27.

I’ve never read it. I don’t think even at the time, and certainly not in the five years since. Which may sound strange. Because I am such a colossal twit I started the whole thing, including doing the reading, a week and a half before it was due. So I didn’t really have time to read it from start to finish. The reason I got away with this act of extraordinary idiocy was because I was writing the culmination of years of thinking about the subject. I’m a bit frightened to read it now, since so much time has passed. In case you’re interested, it received a first, but only just. One of the markers wanted to bring it down to a 2.1 for various reasons, including my remarkable failure to reference the Proust quote in the bibliography. But luckily for me, for some reason they lost this fight.

I’m publishing it here under the catchily named Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-Share Alike 2.0 UK: England & Wales. This means that anyone can copy it, distribute it, and – um – perform it for free, including making any changes to it that they wish. The only conditions are that I am identified as the author, that it cannot be used for commercial purposes, and that if it is copied and changed the resulting document must also be published under the same license. Which seems fair.

(continue reading…)

A comment was recently added to my post about the BNP and Nick Griffin’s plans to claim his party represents Christianity. I think it’s worth highlighting here. I’m still very concerned that people think of the BNP as: sure, a party with some bad eggs and left over racist views from their National Front past, but perhaps the only party speaking out honestly on the issues of immigration. It’s an opinion I’ve heard quite a lot, often not directly expressed but implied in more subtle tones. For instance, here’s a question I was asked anonymously on Formspring recently:

“Do you agree that not dealing with immigration sensibly plays into the bnps hands? Will Cameron sort it out in your opinion?”

While I gave an answer explaining why I believe there is no immigration issue, and that Cameron’s plans will further isolate the country, increase nationalism, and therefore hatred, there’s a more serious implication. It’s the assumption implicit in the question that the BNP are the party dealing with immigration sensibly. Sure, the person asking is extremely unlikely to subscribe to the BNP’s opinions on most subjects, but it unquestionably suggests that dealing with immigration “sensibly” (whatever that might be) will placate the BNP. i.e. If we would only employ the BNP’s immigration policies, we would take away power from that dangerous party.

(continue reading…)

Right – I’m removing this because the editor of Wired.co.uk sincerely explains that they didn’t mean to insult the man’s looks, and agrees that it looks as though they were, and has changed it accordingly. So all is well.

Although I doubt they’ll be offering me work any time soon : )

Episode 28 of Rum Doings is not discussing: Why can an Englishman not defend his home by shooting a burglar in the back.

This week John has a headache. So we talk about headaches. You know how we are.

What else do we bring up? Television programmes we enjoy watching with our eyes. More dangerous ways of distributing gas. We argue about Doctor Who and sitcoms. We realise Rum Doings needs a trombonist. In fact, most of an orchestra. Of buskers. We learn how Nick lets his daughter suffocate, how long John’s been a crybaby, and plans for genre twists. Can you Chinese-burn yourself? Can you touch your own winky? And what exactly is the fabric of our universe? And why don’t the Jews like it?

Inform everyone you know. At all costs, promote us. And writing a review on iTunes helps us a great deal. Cool people do it. You want to be in the cool gang.

If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, for some dreadful reason, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

Crikey-o-blimey! We’re back! After a volcano-encouraged break, Rum Doings returns with episode 26 to not discuss whether the Americanisation of Britain gone one step too far?

Instead John struggles with pomegranate wine, we ponder super-tasting, the merits of Marmite, and the Queen’s insatiable loins.

Inevitably we talk election, but having recorded this before Tuesday night, we weren’t aware who our new King was to be. There’s thoughts on the peculiar imbalance of political leanings in the press compared to the population, the difference between Scotland and England, and the source of John’s self-loathing. Then we even discuss money stuff things.

After the frivolity of this politics business, we then turn our attentions toward more serious matters: poo poo and wee wee. Inspired by a three year old, we consider the merits of poo, and what various people may look like as they perform one. Then we ascend to talk of asparagus wee, and the corrupted souls of those who cannot produce this potion, including nano-plans to fix this defection. Also, John tests the very limits of his girlfriend’s tolerance. Also, what colour to political leaders wee?

We finish with some absolutely shameful impressions of Gordon Brown.

Tell the world. We’re entirely motivated by how many people listen, because we’re attention-hungry show-offs. And writing a review on iTunes helps us a great deal. If you do that, it makes you our absolute favourite.

If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, for some ghastly reason, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.