John Walker's Electronic House

I recently received the most extraordinary press release, ostensibly sent to me because I’m a games journalist, about the dangers of “Text Neck”. Often when you see something like this it’s a joke, a spoof that eventually links to a game. But this one was entirely serious.

This new phenomenon is caused by “frequent texting or looking down at your mobile device for extended periods of time”. And guess who says this? Why, it’s chiropractors. According to these bastions of medical science, “it is on the rise and is quickly becoming a global epidemic.” That’s honestly their quote.

Ignoring the notion that perhaps people’s propensity to read books for the last few thousand years might have generated similar symptoms, these not-doctors inform us that such activity can cause check soreness and headaches, and even arthritis! If left untreated. Of course. And how?

Why, you could use Topical BioMedics’ Topicin Pain Relief and Healing Cream! And what is Topicin, that this press release fails to mention? It’s a homeopathic remedy, and thus a tube of placebo.

On their website, which hilariously has blocked right-clicking, they state:

“Topricin’s patented homeopathic biomedicine technology is proven effective for arthritis and joint injuries, carpal tunnel and other neuropathies, lower back pain and muscle cramps, night leg cramps and restless leg syndrome.”

And what is their proof that their non-medicine containing medicine is effective, for both arthritis and restless leg syndrome? They don’t see fit to share that anywhere on their website. So I’ve contacted them asking for the relevant studies. I’m going to be most impressed to find out how the different creams are differently formulated to deal with specific types of pain in specific regions. Like your feet. Which have their own form of pain, it seems.

The company’s CEO, Lou Paradise, doesn’t appear to have any medical qualifications at all, but rather boasts many years researching his product. Confusingly, he appears to be convinced by both herbal remedies and homeopathy, which one might think directly contradict one another. However, he is a decorated marine who fought in Vietnam, which clearly adds a lot of credence to his claims.

The company’s COO curiously has the same last name as the CEO, and also doesn’t appear to carry any expertise within the medical field. The incredibly named Aurora Paradise focuses on marketing. Then there’s the Executive Vice President, Stephen Duricko, who, er, doesn’t have any medical qualifications, but did once work for an HMO!

And that’s their declared team. But hey, the people from the stock photos above them sure look cheery!

The rest of the press release explains how chiropractor, Richard Young, DC of South Carolina, likes to use Topricin products in his practice. Which is a perfect fit, since chiropractic treatment is bullshit too. But don’t want to resort to medicine? The press release has some handy tips!

-Raise your mobile device so it is aligned with your eyes when you read and text

-Take frequent breaks every 15 minutes and look straight ahead while tucking the chin back towards the neck every few minutes

-Stretch your hands: squeeze a stress ball and stretch your chest by standing up straight with your arms down at your side

For a long and happy texting life.

I was then offered samples of Topricin if I offered my mailing address. Instead I accidentally replied,

“Hi.

What a load of lies and nonsense.

Please remove me from your mailing list immediately.”

You can read the full press release below:

As electronic devices like smartphones, e-readers and tablets become the devices of choice for the tech crowd, add ‘text neck’ to your new digital dictionary.

Text neck results from frequent texting or looking down at your mobile device for extended periods of time and chiropractors say it is on the rise and is quickly becoming a global epidemic.

The repetitive stress injury caused by flexing of the neck for prolonged periods can result in tightness across the shoulder, cause headaches and neck soreness and can even result in permanent arthritic damage if left untreated.

Richard Young, DC, a chiropractor who practices at Young Chiropractic Clinic in Darlington, SC says the common factor in this type of neck condition is inflammation. The area around the muscle, ligament or nerve is inflamed, which means there is fluid in the tissue trying to aid the healing process.

Pain relief products such as Topical BioMedics’ Topricin Pain Relief and Healing Cream can help provide relief from symptoms of text neck.

Topricin Pain Relief and Healing Cream helps to heal the damage that is causing pain – naturally, with no grease or odor. The soothing cream contains eleven natural ingredients that target pain by stimulating the body’s healing process to reduce inflammation, detoxification and improving circulation to the injured area to relieve the symptoms of lower back, neck and shoulder pain.

Dr. Young uses Topricin as his preferred remedy to treat the symptoms of text neck and tells his patients to first apply Topricin to the affected area to reduce swelling in the muscle and ligament tissues.

Topricin is formulated for maximum absorption so Dr. Young’s patients can apply as much Topricin as they need with no fear of overuse or interferences with other medications.

“My patients find that Topricin immediately provides soothing relief from text neck. The product relaxes their muscle spasms, increases their mobility, reduces pain and helps to prevent scar tissue formation,” says Dr. Young. “Patients benefit greatly from the use of Topricin for text neck because it reduces their healing time and eliminates the necessity for a prolonged treatment plan.”

Here are some tips for preventing text neck:

-Raise your mobile device so it is aligned with your eyes when you read and text

-Take frequent breaks every 15 minutes and look straight ahead while tucking the chin back towards the neck every few minutes

-Stretch your hands: squeeze a stress ball and stretch your chest by standing up straight with your arms down at your side

Topricin is available in a convenient, on-the-go 2-ounce size ($16.95) and is just the right size to store in a purse, briefcase, backpack, first aid kit, glove compartment or sports bag. The product is also available in two larger sizes: 4-ounce jar ($24.95) and 8-ounce bottle ($39.95).

Topricin is available in pharmacies, natural food stores, and other fine retailers nationwide, including Whole Foods, Vitamin Shoppe, Vitamin World, Fred Meyer, Wegmans, and other retail stores throughout the U.S., as well as direct from the Topical BioMedics’ online store.

To learn more about Topricin, go to http://www/topricin.com

I’d be happy to provide you with samples of Topricin for your consideration. Please send me your mailing address and we’ll get the samples right out to you.

Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions at XXXXXXXXXX.

Many thanks in advance for your consideration.