John Walker's Electronic House

Rum Doings Episode 80: A Nice Bit Of Cherry In A Rich Fruitcake

by on Jul.29, 2011, under Rum Doings, The Rest

In Rum Doings Episode 80 we don’t discuss whether anyone has the courage to stand up for the endangered British light bulb? But we add an extra season to the year.

Then it’s imperative that you contribute to this Kickstarter project, even though they’ve exceeded their total. It’s Ironbuds.

We consider our racism, homophobia, transphobia and so on. Then John lays out his plan for the Photograph From Behind service, and then of course there are some discussions of matters of the behind.

But then the highlight of the episode – we read out all the magnificent suggestions we’ve had for our “What did the ghost say when he won the prize?” John tells a terrible story about some headmaster, and then we discuss the important subject of toilet paper, and the weeing habits of babies.

More homework is set. We need answers to the following joke:

What did the mountain say when he went to the beach?

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35 Comments for this entry

  • Capt Fatbeard

    I’m alpining for a boulder of ice cream!

  • Chris D

    What did the mountain say when he went to the beach?

    I would have got here sooner but I had a problem being in-continent.

  • IcyBee

    What did the mountain say when he went to the beach?

    Nothing. It was so untidy, he stormed off in a fit of pique.

  • innokenti

    Gentlemen also have to use toilet paper after a wee-wee…

    Using more toilet paper is better than not using enough…

  • Ion of Chios

    It’s the nudie section for me – I just can’t find speedos in my size.

  • Duncan

    What did the mountain say when he went to the beach?
    This seems like a good place to av a lunch.

  • Jambe

    I’ve never used fancy moist butt-wipes. However, I’m going to remodel a tiny bathroom soon; I plan to get a wall-mounted toilet with an in-wall tank to maximize the space. The company that makes this toilet also sell a “washlet” bidet toilet-seat device. I may get one.

    Some terrible mountain-quips:

    It’s Rainier here than back home.
    Sorry, the quaking’s my fault.
    [to a Czech beach-goer] This heat could Kiliman, Jaro.

  • Duncan

    Now I’ve listened to the podcast, I shall make a proper comment, with a little bit of feedback and everything. I just thought that I’d forget my joke if I waited until I’d listened, and I’m quite proud of it so I didn’t want to waste it.

    That was one of the best episodes I’ve heard in a long time, due to it being so wonderfully silly and fun. While your serious conversations are thought provoking and great in their own way, I’ve not managed to find a podcast that is anywhere near as good as Rum Doings at having a lovely, daft chat and just being a pleasure to listen to. There are other podcasts that make me laugh, and other podcasts that make me feel woefully undereducated, but there are no other podcasts that I listen to that make me want to join in the creation of it, nothing else that just takes two nice, clever people and has them talk about whatever they want, and even if their were, I doubt the result would be as entertaining as this. So thank you, and well done.

    I know I should leave more comments, as I’ve listened to every episode and only commented on a dozen or so, and I shall endeavour to be a better listener in the future.

    (Sorry about the stupid partial comment I left a few minutes ago, I’m trying to type something substantialish on my iThing for the first time, and struggling quite badly.)

  • IcyBee

    What did the mountain say when he went to the beach?

    Why do you keep bringing me here Mohammed?
    Is it for the cream teas?

    …actually, I’m not shore if you should read summit like that out.

  • mister k

    Those are some splendid jokes. Sadly my joke making facilities are poor compared to the other fine listeners to this podcast.

    My headphones are always breaking, which is annoying because my wife’s never do. she insists this is because she looks after her headphones more than I do. I rather suspect its just because I use mine more.

    On transphobia, I do think you are missing the point. Obviously if one finds someone who is a “bad tranny” amusing one is incapable of not being amused by it, but sharing it on a podcast does change the dynmaic. Transgendered people are basically one of the most picked upon minorities in culture- little britain springs to mind but most comedies will often tell jokes about transgendered people and think nothing of it. Deciding to join in feels rather unpleasent and mean to me.

  • Gassalasca

    @Nick – McDonald’s would never have come up with it and put it on the signs if it hadn’t been present in the language to a certain extent for a certain time. But yes, it is a fairly recent trend. Last two decades, I would say.
    If I’m not mistaken, in Indian English present continuous is indeed used with all such verbs of feeling, thinking etc. It may well be that ‘I’m loving’ is only the beginning, and that the process will spread to other verbs in Standard English usage in the course of this century.

  • Fiyenyaa

    I commonly go to sleep with my headphones in, and consequently am forever buying the damn things. I hope this new kickstart venture thingumy works out, because it’ll save me a whole heap of trouble.

  • George

    Hi! I’m glad you liked the jokes, though I can’t claim credit for the knock knock one. I saw it, uncredited, on a website of non-jokes, and it reminded me of you chaps. Since then I’ve heard that it was told on an episode of QI as well – not sure when that was, as I don’t watch QI.

  • scotchmi_st

    “What did the ghost say when he won the prize? I don’t know. But do you know what the french ghost said when he won the prizes?

    J’ai gagner les prix!”

    It was a bit of a stretch, but ‘les prix’, when pronouncing the s, sounds like ‘l’espirit’ which is french for ‘the spirit’ (although Google Translate gives the secondary meaning of espirit for some reason, which is ‘mind’.)

    Not bad, I think, considering my formal french education stopped 8 years ago with a B at GCSE! (Or if you disagree, indicative of it.)

  • Aaron

    I find it appropriate that you discuss the fragility of headphones as I’ve recently had 2 pairs die on me in the past week. The first has a completely dead left speaker and the other has an intermittent connection to the right speaker where I have to position the wire perfectly so that it doesn’t keep cutting out as soon as I move my head even an inch.

  • Gassalasca

    Re headphones, I am a regular runner, and I’ve indeed had problems with headhones in the past. But then I decided to buy a more expensive pair people claimed was reasonably long-lasting, and it sort of worked. I mean so far it’s close to a year of very frequent usage, and no problems.
    This is the model:

  • Nick Mailer

    mister k: As it happens, the most bitchy comments about transexuals who “don’t try hard enough” are those from other transexuals. They basically think “You go to all this effort and then can’t even learn how to put on a bit of makeup so you don’t look like a clown”.

    There is also quite an interesting bit of feminist literature which decries transvestite AND transexual mores as basically being a logocentric parody of what it is to be a woman. I think *this* is more what Little Britain parodies, frankly: when you think that to be a woman is to be a cliched paternalistic *parody* of a woman. The difference between gender and sexuality is a complicated one and, as with most sensitive, complex issues, my response is to want to laugh at the absurdity of it all. We really are a ridiculous species, hence the ridicule.

  • trellism

    The Tarahumara are from the Copper Canyon region of Mexico, not the Amazon.

  • trellism

    Transphobia: my thoughts are this.

    It is not acceptable to treat trans people in an unpleasant, discriminatory or impolite manner. In every social interaction, they should be treated as everyone else is.

    When it comes to internal snickering at someone who is a bit rubbish at dressing like their preferred gender: well, you could object to this because you believe that being a trans person is a manifestation of a mental disorder, and that you should no more laugh at them than at a muttering tramp.

    However, that is in itself offensive. It’s suggesting that the trans person can’t help how she (and it’s usually a she, see below) dresses and therefore has mental difficulties more profound than mere gender dsysphoria. I guess that’s sometimes the case, but not usually.

    Alternatively, given that female to male trans people tend to do a better job (and are more creative with it), the more logical reason could be that the Y chromosome affects one’s ability to translate what one sees in the street to what one sees in the mirror. How many straight men get women to choose their clothes for them?

    There are certainly organisations which will give assistance to people who want to change gender to help them dress, move and speak.

  • mister k

    Nick, well members of a minority are always in a position to critisise each other. I recognise that your comments actually do come from a place of deeper understanding, but I think, devoid of context, the comments in your podcast do come across as a bit mean, and a bit transphobic.

  • Jonathan

    “Crap — I’ve forgotten my trunks.”

    I like it as a non-joke, but we can take it into childrens’ joke book territory with a small addition:

    “Crap — I’ve forgotten my trunks. I’ll have to swim in my Andes.”

  • Nick Mailer

    Jonathan wins thusfar.

    I prefer “Dammit!” to “crap” though, as I think it a more mountainous exclamation.

  • Jonathan

    Well dammit, that’s what I was initially going to use!

  • Colthor

    I don’t think damming wells is socially responsible.

  • Hybrid

    What did the mountain say when he went to the beach?
    Dr. Hill, I appreciate your elevated concern, but I really don’t need you to follow me everywhere I travel. I am actually feeling at my peak.

  • Peter Hughes

    “Where’s Fred gone? He was here 10 million years ago!”

  • Mr Ak


    You then wait for them to force you to explain it.

    “It was hurt because the beach didn’t wave.”

  • Alex B

    It’s damnit, damnit.

  • Daniel Rivas

    Darn it.

  • Jonathan


  • IcyBee

    What did the mountain say when he accidentally trod in the river on the way to the beach?

    Dam it!

  • Daniel Rivas


  • drewski

    I find the idea that anyone would be discomforted by the presenters alleged nudity absurd. There’s nothing discomforting about naked men podcasting, John!

  • Simon

    What did the mountain say when he went to the beach?

    Oh no, I forgot my valleyball!

    To the kids with the boombox:
    Would you please turn down your bloody tectonic music!

    Having a picnic at the beach:
    Anyone want some Oreos?
    (Nick might need to help John with this one)

    Oh my god, the destruction! What have I done! I’ve killed fifteen thousand people with a tsunami!

  • Daniel Rivas

    What were those people doing with a tsunami? I don’t think you’ve thought this through.