When Two Sides Go To War
by botherer on Apr.09, 2008, under The Rest
Potential polarising sides for the next world war:
1. Right Handers Vs. Left Handers
2. Vegetarians Vs. Omnivores
3. Scrunchers Vs. Folders
Results:
1. Oddly, the Lefties. You’d think sheer force of numbers would win it for the North Paws, but all those so-called products for left-handed people? Scissors, corkscrews, anti-tank missiles? All secret war weapons in disguise. They’re plotting, people.
2. More obvious this time, as the Omnivores win. Not only because the Veggies will all start going pale and begging for a vitamen pill about ten minutes in, but because the right-minded Omnis will bite them with their canines designed for tearing flesh.
3. I think this one’s the most likely. It’s that bubbling undercurrent of hatred that lies beneath every society, every culture, every race, sex, age, class. Those who scrunch the toilet paper. Those who fold the toilet paper. The hate is in place. The difference insummountable. The day will come.
April 9th, 2008 on 20:37
I’m a folder myself. I can’ see any practical value in being a scruncher. It’s just barbaric!
April 9th, 2008 on 21:48
You know where I stand on this last one. Of course I’d be dead on The Test I helped to create.
Also: hooray omnivores!
April 10th, 2008 on 18:13
I am a folder. It is the only thing that seems natural to me….
April 11th, 2008 on 08:15
I’m not convinced about the veggies losing; you ever been in a toilet after a veggie? Oh boy.
April 11th, 2008 on 11:04
I would rather use the Jug ‘n’ Hand method than be a scruncher. That’s just wrong.
April 12th, 2008 on 22:38
I find it difficult to take a stand on this
April 12th, 2008 on 22:40
Hmm? Would a left-handed vegetarian scrunch?
April 28th, 2008 on 11:03
Wasn’t Hitler a vegetarian?
I think he was also left handed and a scruncher…
May 1st, 2008 on 16:22
Scrunching provides one with a greater surface area with which to work, providing extra traction. It is therefore much more efficient.