The Rules
by John Walker on Feb.04, 2008, under Rules
#36 No whistling in public. I never thought this would be a contraversial rule, until I proposed it to some apparently idiotic people, who protested. No, absolutely not. It’s the height of rudeness. If I’m standing in line in a shop, the last thing I want to hear is the moronic brainwrong musings of some halfwit, emitting in the form of tuneless, aimless, high-pitched whistling. If you’ve got perfect pitch, and can generate a beautiful, melodic, and most of all, purposeful tune, then please, contain yourself and wait for an appropriate moment. If you’re not capable of this, which you’re not, never leave your house again.
#37 Television and radio continuity announcers are not a part of the programmes they talk between, and thus are not allowed to add their contribution. You aren’t funny, you aren’t in their gang, and it’s not only embarrassing for you, but spoils the moment of the show we were just watching. Shut it. (There’s an exception, of course, which is when the announcer is scripted by the show’s writers, never better evidenced than by the otherwise dreadful Sofa Of Time on Radio 4, where the announcer dead-panned before it began, “Listeners are advised that the following programme contains an angry giant.”)
February 4th, 2008 on 20:14
Do the E4 programme adverts count? ‘Cause they’re brilliant. I also quite like the announcer on Dave.
February 5th, 2008 on 02:32
Can you please add the one we had discussed before:
If you are on the phone and the call is lost, the person who made the call in the first place is to call back thus preventing the “both parties calling each other at the same time like morons” busy signal.
I missed The Rules. I’m so glad they’re back.
February 5th, 2008 on 11:26
The sole reason for watching the omnibus edition of Sunseat Beach was the pithy comment of the announcer before getting down to the serious business of Xena
February 5th, 2008 on 11:49
Rules Rule!
All we need now are a set of codified laws set down by King Dexter…