John Walker's Electronic House

How I Am Not Dead

by on Sep.19, 2006, under The Rest

I have exactly one less appendix.

I’m not supposed to be sitting up much, so briefly, I spent Saturday night with excruciating stomach ache, what I assumed to be trapped wind. NHS Direct, at 4am, assumed it to be stomach ache, but if it got worse to call my GP. It got worse, and the out of hours GP was at the local hospital. Which turns out to be quite good, as he refered me onto a surgeon after becoming suspicious of the silence in my bowels (aren’t we all?), and I was stripped to a gown, the most incredibly pretty doctor stuck her finger up my bum, and then I was whisked to surgery and had an inflamed, angry and ripe-to-explode appendix removed. Two nights of hateful boredom and nurses who I assume were hired wholesale from Morrison’s check-outs, and I’m back, with holes.

I’m a bit sore, and brilliantly, as a GP diagnosed this afternoon I has have my sciatic nerve pinched at the base of my spine, ensuring that it hurts down the front and the back. So I’m off to lie down and watch downloaded TV.

Anyone who wants to come visit me this week, so long as you’re someone who already knows where I live without means of stalking, is extremely welcome, as I shall die of concrete boredom probably by tomorrow afternoon. Oh, and if anyone has the West Wing on DVD and wants to drop it round for me, I’ll kiss them anywhere they ask (which is most likely to be on my own arm, I realise).

What have I learned from all this? Nothing. Victory!

Edit: If anyone readng this works at the RUH in Bath, could they email me? it’s for the best of worst reasons.

20 Comments for this entry

  • Steve W

    Do they still let you keep your appendix nowadays? Preferably in a jar beside the bed, whereupon many a comedy mishap can occur.

    And tsk too, for only deciding to try The West Wing once you’d seen Studio 60 and realised Sorkin’s writing genius. You were told. You were told.

    Glad to hear you’re ok.

  • Leo

    Whinge whinge whinge.

  • MHW

    Do you want us to pretend sympathy or should we carry on treating you with the same amount of respect and love as always?

  • Name (required)

    What have they left inside?

  • ste

    Gillen did this years ago. The New Inflamed Journalism. Pretty soon every kid with an internet connection and an appendix was popping their guts everywhere, each more annoying than the last. Get well soon! And preferably without using your exploding organs to define the opening paragraph of a review.

  • jamscones

    Can I have the appendix? Not for witchcraft.

  • DaveT

    Tsk, and what of those of us who have the west wing on DVD, live within drivving distance of you and only know where you live due to stalking?

  • The_B

    DaveT: Surely those people would right now be driving to the hospital to collect John’s appendix, and so wouldn’t be reading this?

  • DaveT

    Why would anyone want a heavily diseased appendix?

  • Tim R

    Don’t think you should invite any of the above to your flat for fear of your safety. You could clone an evil John with his diseased appendix – or a good one if you suspect the current one has already joined the dark side. No – of course not. But then he’d tell me to say that if already evil…

  • Leo

    You should try that Psychonauts. Or there’s a good game on the DS about a lawyer or something. I here they got good reviews.

  • Tim R

    Sorry, forgot earlier – Get well soon, John. And, while I think of it, now could be the time to write that Reader’s Digest article you’ve always wanted to: ‘I am John’s inflamed appendix’.

  • admin

    For Ste:

    This is genuinely the intro to the main review in the next They’re Back:

    “My arch nemesis, Infection Man, has been victorious. The source of all my powers, my appendix, was removed this week. And as such, at least until another vestigial organ receives a freak overdose of nuclear radiation during a dangerous mishap on the way to the shops, my superhero days are over. Crippled as I am, propped up and full of operation wounds and drugs, it is something of a relief that there is always City of Heroes.”

  • Richard

    Welcome to the club. I had mine out when I sixteen. For years afterwards every now and thing a back speck would appear at the edge of the scar. The last time was about two years ago. The specks were not seriously lost blackhead zits but after small tug always turned out to be undissolved stitches, the longest of which was about 0.5mm. I hope they remembered to take all yours out.

  • maddy

    Oh my goodness! Are you OK? I have a cold…

  • DuBBle

    Glad your not dead John :D