John Walker's Electronic House

Chicago Report

by on Jun.18, 2006, under The Rest

I’m here. I’m just too lazy to write anything.

Please invent your own exciting tales of my adventures.

14 Comments for this entry

  • Pete Osborne

    Come on John – where’s the obligatory funny story about your immigration/customs experience?

  • pharoahe monch

    actually, i find this post as funny as W’s usual work. very nice job!

  • km

    I think you slept in. Then you ate lunch too early. Then you took the train downtown and wandered around all of the tourist spots, but in a nice way. And you saw parks and fountains and big buildings. Then you went back on the train to Kim’s place and hung out with her neighbors for a bit. But that’s all just a guess.

  • Sarah

    You fought crime until it became too warm outside for the cape and mask, then climbed atop a soap box on a busy corner and set about inspiring a minor but highly motivated insurrection bent on ushering in your glorious reign. Though brutally supressed this time, it will live on in secret, its membership swelling, waiting to elect your puppet American citizen in 2008 (and if I might make a suggestion here…?).

  • Tim R

    You woke up this morning, a whisky bottle in your hand,
    you felt so broken, and your throat was dry as sand,
    you got jet lag blues, that’s right,
    you’re too lazy to do what you had planned… oh yeah…

    (cue sleep guitar solo)

  • Dr. Foobar

    You arrived to the fanfare of Hail to the King and rendered honours by the Marine company assembled at the airport terminal. Escorted down the red carpet to your flag car, you rode down the centre of Chicago as the centrepiece of a parade in your honour. Giant white Brian balloons floated through the sky looking down on the masses as ticker-tape was thrown from the buildings towering on either side. Little children looked on in awe.

    The Americans have their King back.

  • Maddy and Rosie

    John arrived in Chicago, but was flocked by a group of girls screaming “No le gusta caminar. No puede montar a caballo, Como se puede bailar? Es un escandolo”. Then they started to chant “Como ves , como ves , la historia no es como crees”. John was so scared of these spanish speaking people that he ran out of the building and bumped into Oprah, who lives in Chicago, and she told him that if he clicked his ankles three times then he would appear on her show, so he did and he found himself sitting on the world famous sofa next to the aggrivating git Tom Cruise and the lovely Marcia Cross and Teri Hatcher, who was singing ?Donde se Fueron? with Ozomatli in the background. John was so scared that his hair turned pink and then he got beaten up by Paul O Grady who thought that John was being mean to Buster, when in fact he was being mean to Olga. Paul and John went to lunch and became bestest of friends.

  • john walker

    Well I though it was about time i wrote something interesting. Last night I went out to Chinatown. I have decided that I shall take an Asian mail-order bride. In this way, I shall ensure that my offspring stand no chance of being struck down with the terrible affliction of being ginger, since Asians don’t carry the ginger gene. Hurrah.

  • Maddy and Rosie

    You are ginger, arent you? And anyway, Marcia Cross was voted one of the 50st most beautiful people in the world.She’s got ginger hair. She won an award for it. So ha.

  • Mr Chris

    Every time a child is born ginger, baby jesus cries.

  • admin

    I had thought it would be reasonably obvious that the “john walker” above is not me, especially with the lack of capitalising my own name, but maybe not. It’s not me.

  • Tim R

    An imposter! How infra dig. How do we know you are the real you now? How do you know I am the real me? I could be an imposter addressing myself to an imposter, while both of us think we are the real thing – and wouldn’t we be right either way, on some level or other? Maddie and Rosie, discuss.

  • Maddy

    Ha! Philosophy! Love it. But no. Not discussing.