John Walker's Electronic House

Playing Doctor

by on Apr.03, 2006, under The Rest

I need your help.

My cough is so incredibly painful that I’m going insane.

I haven’t the energy to walk anywhere, but have to do something about the barbed wire encased stinging nettles currently on fire in my neck before I claw my own throat out.

Tell me your remedies. If pharmaceutical, I’ll find arrangements.

Especially something that will let me sleep.

18 Comments for this entry

  • Tim R

    You could ring the doctor and tell him to visit you. They do do it for the paralysed, sick and delusional etc. I am not a doctor ( I know you know that, but others may not), nor am I a mother, and thus licensed to spout rubbish, but I suggest you have a throat infection. Yes, I know, now don’t call me Sherlock. It’s probably viral, so you can do nothing much really, apart from eating throat sweets and drinking lots of water. If you’ve had it a few days, then you could have a secondary infection – in which case a prescription of anti-biotics will help. See a doctor. You don’t get any sympathy from me until you’ve done so. You poor lamb.

  • Sabake

    Well, apart of pharmaceutical remedies..

    You can always try to rinse your throat with warm salty solution (horrible experience.. but works ;)), try to breeze in the vapour from boiling potatos (khm, maybe even works) and – my “favorite” tastewise – try to drink boiled milk together with honey and baking soda. After this kind of treatment the flu just runs away ;)

  • Steve W

    It’s always better to treat the cause than the symptom. Is the cough that’s currently ripping your throat to shreds one that is caused by the build-up of the usual flu-y crap on your chest?

    If yes, put some menthol crystals in a tub of hot water, sit with a towel over your head and the bowl and breathe deeply. This should at least help the congestion, weaken the resulting cough, and allow your throat to heal.

    If no, turn to page 47. The barbarian Throm crushes your bones and feeds you to the vicious manticore.

  • Enki

    Oranges. And lots of them.

  • Tim R

    I suppose there’s always placebo – strawberry flavour is nice.

  • admin

    Saline solution proves splendid.

    More splendid is the fine Rev. Stu who is currently backing a Pickfords’ van up to a chemist.

  • JoeVOD

    Buy a bottle of Sprite. Heat it in a pan until hot but comfortably quaffable. Drink. Enjoy the feeling of syrupy goodness coating and soothing your throat. It worked a treat when I had glandular fever, and will work for you too. Get well soon Mr Walker!

  • hard but not

    whisky, honey, hot water = simple and always worked for me, me dad Mctavish, his dad McTivash, and their dad Mctorvill. It puts one to sleep with a pleasant sweaty feeling if you get the mix just right.

  • Julie

    1) Set electric blanket to “Flames of the deepest underworld” setting
    2) Intravenous Lemsip
    3) 2 hour bath as hot as you can take it, with regular hot water top-ups
    4) Fall into bed

    Follow these steps and forevermore you’ll be marked as a cruel and dangerous man by all viruses :)

    Feel better soon.

  • Clare

    I swear by the Lemsip brand… Lemsip Cold and Flu cough mixture is soothing and comes in Dry cough and chesty cough varieties. In a couple of days, once you have got rid of the cough get hold of Lemsip Flu Direct little sachets of stuff that looks like sherbert, they clear your head and nose really well.

    My mum always lets me eat lots of ice lollys and icecream if I have a sore throat. I give you permission to eat lots of icecream.

  • km

    Here I always thought the answer was Nyquil: red and green.

  • Paul Black has too many tattoos

    Spoonful of honey afore ye goes to bed!

  • admin

    I’m going for the UK equiv to Nyquil – Night Nurse. Or as Stu calls it, the pharmaceutical equivalent of a baseball bat to the head.

  • Tedi Worrier

    Prescription on the way

    go to station
    catch train
    taxi from station
    go to bed

  • Andy Krouwel

    Ice Cream is good for sore throat relief.

    At least, that’s what I keep saying.

  • Lewis


    I have emailed you about something random.

    Hope the illness is subsiding.

  • MHW

    I have given my own mother the virus I was carrying when visiting and now she’s depending on me to take the dogs out.

    This would a glorious way to take over the empire. Were there an empire of Wilkinsons.

    I’ll get back to my Beechams and Ace (which is a lot quicker than Stu’s stuff).

  • David

    Get better quickly John!

    : (