John Walker's Electronic House


by on Oct.14, 2005, under The Rest

Things appear to be progressing nicely.

Some early research indicates that Americaland doesn’t even have a monarch. Who could have guessed that? This makes things a lot easier than I could ever have imagined.

Thus, I hereby claim the Americaland as my Kingdom.


Congratulations to the first 19 Dukes and Duchesses to have been appointed. This means there are still 31 positions to be filled. Come along, don’t be shy. There’s 180 people who didn’t pick a state yesterday, and frankly, that’s just crazy. I will have you killed.

To celebrate my throning, tonight I have demanded that my most favoured band, the Mountain Goats, play for my royal pleasure. At the Empty Bottle. Being King is flipping ace.

I’m concerned about my Duke of Texas, however. He doesn’t appear to be respecting my Kingly authority, and is already threatening to invade California. So, heads up Jim.

To see currently appointed Dukedoms, click here.

27 Comments for this entry

  • Kath

    Nebraska pleaseeeeeee
    Then I can drive across in the manner of a Bruce Spingsteen song. You may decide for yourself if this is a Good Thing.
    Glad to see your plan for world domination is talking effect.

  • Kath

    Are typos a cute personality trait…? Of course I meant.
    Bruce Springsteen and taking effect. Taking effect.
    Like the caffine in my bloodstream.

  • TheAardvark

    Whilst Americaland has never had a king it most certainly has had an emperor. But he’s dead now so you should be OK.

    Can I be governor of Puerto Rico? Or are they getting independence at last?

  • admin

    Which Kath are you? There are too many. I’m assuming from the dreadful music choice you’re an Arnold : )

  • admin

    I want a better name than TheAardvark before I’ll give out a dukedom. And no – I’m not King of Puerto Rico, so it’s not up for grabs.

  • Andy Krouwel

    I shall just point out that I have a long standing claim to Delaware, dating back to yesterday’s comments. I shall set native blue hens on any challengers.

  • TheAardvark

    It strikes me that you probably DO have a better name than TheAardvark.

    Actually, if you get Americaland, you get Puerto Rico too. Kind of like a razor-blade in an apple.

  • admin

    I’ve liberated it.

  • waddie

    Can I have Maryland? I don’t expect anyone else will want it anyway.

  • Mathew

    I’m going to see the Mountain Goats next Friday.

    It is a dream come true.

  • DaveT

    Well, if you insist, I’ll have Kentucky

    Or some other daft state

  • Cian

    His Grace, Lord of the newly christened Nova Cian (formally New Jersey) is deeply affronted by your unfounded and unprovoked attacks upon His sexuality.

    Although, some have been known to call Him Duchess.

  • Roy

    Hullo there! If it’s not too much problem, I would love my own, pritave Idaho.

  • Roy

    ‘pritave’ is, of course code for ‘private’, among those who can’t spell.

  • charity

    henceforth I suggest all inter-dukedom disputes over territories be settled at The Duchess of Ohio’s Castle Carnival.

  • KM

    I have many students here who will be overjoyed that you have liberated Puerto Rico. Long Live John!

    In other news, you better not be adding more buttons to my Mozilla while I’m at work.

  • StuM

    Well, the best ones are taken already, so I think it’s only fair that the boring ones should be handed out two at a time. If so I’ll take Wisconsin and Maine. If not I’ll just have to settle for Wisconsin, but I pity anyone who gets dukedom Maine on its own.

  • Nick

    I have never been greedy, just give me Guam and I’ll be O.K.

  • Tom Hardy

    Giss Oregon. Go on, gissit. I’ve got family there. They’d like some land, I’m sure.

  • Jonty

    Give me something good or I’m changing the locks.

  • Lewis

    I have a surname.


    Yaay, Navada. Now let’s have some fun…

  • bodnotbod

    Your Black and White II review, wherein you employ the act of donning trousers as an illustration of an easily achievable feat, contains the line “Those sporting a fully zipped and buttoned pair of trousers” which left me feeling you probably wear skirts, since you’ll almost certainly be “zipped OR buttoned”.

  • bodnotbod

    …But I loved the bit that was something like “two armies who find themselves on either side of something called a wall whill dream crazy AI dreams of what’s on the other side.”

    And if you think I haven’t got trousers on because I didn’t cut n paste just then and chose to type the whole thing out, it’s just that I shut the tab and can’t be bothered to refind it. Though, in fact, I haven’t got trousers on. Because I’m too lazy to refind them.

  • Paul Black - Khan Of All Essex

    Indiana Is Mine! I shall begin burning homesteads forthwith!

  • Bobsy

    Can I have Illinois?

  • DAT500

    “Those sporting a fully zipped and buttoned pair of trousers” which left me feeling you probably wear skirts, since you’ll almost certainly be “zipped OR buttoned”.

    You don’t have a button at the top of your zip-fly trousers? You safety pin cultist.

  • Kieron Gillen

    The South Will Rise Again.