HRH
by John Walker on Oct.14, 2005, under The Rest
Things appear to be progressing nicely.
Some early research indicates that Americaland doesn’t even have a monarch. Who could have guessed that? This makes things a lot easier than I could ever have imagined.
Thus, I hereby claim the Americaland as my Kingdom.
IT IS DONE.
Congratulations to the first 19 Dukes and Duchesses to have been appointed. This means there are still 31 positions to be filled. Come along, don’t be shy. There’s 180 people who didn’t pick a state yesterday, and frankly, that’s just crazy. I will have you killed.
To celebrate my throning, tonight I have demanded that my most favoured band, the Mountain Goats, play for my royal pleasure. At the Empty Bottle. Being King is flipping ace.
I’m concerned about my Duke of Texas, however. He doesn’t appear to be respecting my Kingly authority, and is already threatening to invade California. So, heads up Jim.
October 14th, 2005 on 13:23
Nebraska pleaseeeeeee
Then I can drive across in the manner of a Bruce Spingsteen song. You may decide for yourself if this is a Good Thing.
Glad to see your plan for world domination is talking effect.
October 14th, 2005 on 13:25
Are typos a cute personality trait…? Of course I meant.
Bruce Springsteen and taking effect. Taking effect.
Like the caffine in my bloodstream.
October 14th, 2005 on 13:33
Whilst Americaland has never had a king it most certainly has had an emperor. But he’s dead now so you should be OK.
Can I be governor of Puerto Rico? Or are they getting independence at last?
October 14th, 2005 on 13:33
Which Kath are you? There are too many. I’m assuming from the dreadful music choice you’re an Arnold : )
October 14th, 2005 on 13:35
I want a better name than TheAardvark before I’ll give out a dukedom. And no – I’m not King of Puerto Rico, so it’s not up for grabs.
October 14th, 2005 on 13:37
I shall just point out that I have a long standing claim to Delaware, dating back to yesterday’s comments. I shall set native blue hens on any challengers.
October 14th, 2005 on 13:39
It strikes me that you probably DO have a better name than TheAardvark.
Actually, if you get Americaland, you get Puerto Rico too. Kind of like a razor-blade in an apple.
October 14th, 2005 on 14:01
I’ve liberated it.
October 14th, 2005 on 14:23
Can I have Maryland? I don’t expect anyone else will want it anyway.
October 14th, 2005 on 15:31
I’m going to see the Mountain Goats next Friday.
It is a dream come true.
October 14th, 2005 on 15:54
Well, if you insist, I’ll have Kentucky
Or some other daft state
October 14th, 2005 on 16:38
His Grace, Lord of the newly christened Nova Cian (formally New Jersey) is deeply affronted by your unfounded and unprovoked attacks upon His sexuality.
Although, some have been known to call Him Duchess.
October 14th, 2005 on 17:22
Hullo there! If it’s not too much problem, I would love my own, pritave Idaho.
October 14th, 2005 on 17:52
‘pritave’ is, of course code for ‘private’, among those who can’t spell.
October 14th, 2005 on 18:37
henceforth I suggest all inter-dukedom disputes over territories be settled at The Duchess of Ohio’s Castle Carnival.
October 14th, 2005 on 19:29
I have many students here who will be overjoyed that you have liberated Puerto Rico. Long Live John!
In other news, you better not be adding more buttons to my Mozilla while I’m at work.
October 14th, 2005 on 21:38
Well, the best ones are taken already, so I think it’s only fair that the boring ones should be handed out two at a time. If so I’ll take Wisconsin and Maine. If not I’ll just have to settle for Wisconsin, but I pity anyone who gets dukedom Maine on its own.
October 14th, 2005 on 22:05
I have never been greedy, just give me Guam and I’ll be O.K.
October 14th, 2005 on 22:28
Giss Oregon. Go on, gissit. I’ve got family there. They’d like some land, I’m sure.
October 14th, 2005 on 23:09
Give me something good or I’m changing the locks.
October 15th, 2005 on 00:20
I have a surname.
(Denby)
Yaay, Navada. Now let’s have some fun…
October 15th, 2005 on 02:38
Your Black and White II review, wherein you employ the act of donning trousers as an illustration of an easily achievable feat, contains the line “Those sporting a fully zipped and buttoned pair of trousers” which left me feeling you probably wear skirts, since you’ll almost certainly be “zipped OR buttoned”.
October 15th, 2005 on 02:47
…But I loved the bit that was something like “two armies who find themselves on either side of something called a wall whill dream crazy AI dreams of what’s on the other side.”
And if you think I haven’t got trousers on because I didn’t cut n paste just then and chose to type the whole thing out, it’s just that I shut the tab and can’t be bothered to refind it. Though, in fact, I haven’t got trousers on. Because I’m too lazy to refind them.
October 15th, 2005 on 07:07
Indiana Is Mine! I shall begin burning homesteads forthwith!
October 15th, 2005 on 11:32
Can I have Illinois?
October 15th, 2005 on 13:11
“Those sporting a fully zipped and buttoned pair of trousers” which left me feeling you probably wear skirts, since you’ll almost certainly be “zipped OR buttoned”.
You don’t have a button at the top of your zip-fly trousers? You safety pin cultist.
October 15th, 2005 on 15:18
The South Will Rise Again.
KG