by John Walker on Jun.14, 2005, under The Rest
Seagulls, or ‘gulls’ as they should more properly be known, since there is no such
thing as a ‘seagull’ (you’d think that the lack of sea would convince most people,
unless they happen to live by the sea, I suppose), are utterly great.
Charadriiformes, as a word, should be enough to convince you of this. Although,
actually, gulls are just one type of such creatures, with waders and auks
muscling in on the sesquipedalian fun. The Herring Gull is the one mislabeled by most
people as this erroneous ‘seagull’ nonsense. It itself is the subject of some controversy,
bringing naturists to battle. Its taxonomy is hotly debated, with between two and
eight different species identified, and no one sure who’s right. Some are adament that the
lesser black-backed gull is in no way the same species, despite sharing very close
links with the more common herring gull.
It’s hard for me to express why I feel the need to tell you all this information,
so I shall leave it as a random treat, a strange nugget of knowledge to carry with you.
Really, it’s difficult to put into words how important it is that I make sure that all
understand my deeply held love for all gulls, and this is not limited to the Herring
but also so many other species, like the dolphin gull, the sooty gull, the lava gull, the
brown-hooded gull… I could just go on and on and on, as they are all so wonderful, and
it’s possibly the most important thing I could ever think to write about. And now that’s
said, I feel I can finally move on in my life, look at things from top to bottom, and
have a complete understanding of what this is really all about.
June 14th, 2005 on 18:44
Gulls are shit.
June 14th, 2005 on 19:07
You could write that gibberish and not post a real Brian’s Guide. Bah!
June 14th, 2005 on 19:17
Man! There’s nothing worse than a bad loser. NOT EVEN HITLER!
June 14th, 2005 on 23:09
Kim, sometimes you are more obliged to do something than you can understand.
Fortunately, I WIN!
June 14th, 2005 on 23:45
WHICH MAKES ME BETTER THAN HITLER!
June 15th, 2005 on 09:21
> bringing naturists to battle
Now there’s a horrifying image. Actually, its probably a late night channel 5 series.
By the way, are you still looking for ‘something to do’ post-course completion?
PS Adamant
June 15th, 2005 on 09:57
Yes, I am still looking for ‘something to do’.
June 15th, 2005 on 11:14
I always thought the correct term for gulls was ‘Shitehawks.’
June 15th, 2005 on 12:20
Evil little buggers. Kill them while young, I say.
June 15th, 2005 on 12:46
> Yes, I am still looking for something to do.
Which is a shame, because I’ve just found out that the Excellent Thing I was going to recommmend has been cancelled.
So now you’ll never know.
Sorry.
June 15th, 2005 on 13:55
PS Recommend
June 15th, 2005 on 16:22
Gulls are fucking shit. I lived by the sea. In an attic room. 3am hideous shrieking squawks from the roof? EVERY DAY? Gulls are fucking shit.
June 16th, 2005 on 20:12
Amen.
June 18th, 2005 on 10:10
I’m afraid you’re all wrong, gulls rae great. In German lessons at school me and a friend sat next to the window and spent the entire lesson staring at the armies of mutant gulls engaged in deadly combat on the grass. You may mock, but I swear they were intelligent – they formed up into armies and did drill and everything, before hurling themselves into feverish melees and cawing and scratching away, fighting for their King Gull, who sat by the side. We used to take bets on which army would win. It was a wonderful way to spend a German lesson.