John Walker's Electronic House

by on Dec.14, 2004, under The Rest

I have a cold, and with this, have lost my voice.

Not entirely, although for one aback-taking moment I called out something to Jonty only to produce a mystifying rasping air noise and no sound at all. I’m left with a range of croaks that appear to vary in severity upon every utterance.

I love losing my voice. I wish I understood why. Perhaps it’s an attention thing. I can remember, in the past, exaggerating the croakiness of my voice without realising I was doing it. I’d then react in surprise to something, and discover I’d been faking it to even myself. I am weird.

However, this time there’s no need for exaggeration. And I find myself wanting to show it off to other people. Oh please, tell me this isn’t just me. Or am I more mental than previous surveys believed?

Sadly, the excitement of a raspy, croaky voice is always tempered by being filled to the very brim with day-glo snot. This morning I coughed up something of a golden brown colour. And I mean golden brown. If King Midas had the same virus, I believe this would be the colour of his hanky contents. And as with every cold, I’m finding myself fascinated by my body’s ability to generate quite so much mucus at quite such an extraordinary speed. After blowing a good couple of pints of goo from the inside of my head, it’s only a matter of minutes before new reserves begin bubbling to the surface. What is it made of? What causes these excellent colours? And why don’t people enjoy discussing this subject matter as much as me?

Clearly I’m not demonstrating the tempering of the enjoyment here, with this celebrations of bogey, but sadly it’s not all tissue-inspecting fun. My nostrils are beginning to get chapped and sore, and my enthusiastic chugging of Beecham’s All In One has left me with an empty bottle and a night of that awful coughing where you daren’t put any effort into it as you know how much it will hurt only to be betrayed by a sudden confusion of breathing, coughing and gasping as your diaphragm spasms and your throat is suddenly barbed wire and stinging nettles.

Please do phone me to hear this excellent rasp before it goes away. I think there’s maybe one day left in it.

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