Monologues
by John Walker on Dec.01, 2007, under The Rest
This is the nature of the majority of conversations in which I find myself involved:
On the phone to PC World five minutes ago:
Me: Hello, I’d like to know if you have any ten metre ethernet cables in stock in your Bath store.
Her: Which cable?
Me: Ethernet cable.
Her: How many metres?
Me: Ten metres.
Her: And which store?
Me: Um, Bath?
Every time I go in a coffee shop:
Me: Hi, I’d like a medium black decaf Americano to go, please.
Them: What size was that?
Me: Medium.
Them: Americano?
Me: Yes please.
Them: Do you want milk with that?
Me: No thank you.
Them: Is that for here or to go?
Me: Help me, help me, can anyone hear me?
Them: Here you go.
Me: Is that decaf?
Them: Oh God, sorry.
Me: Tap, tap, tap, is this thing on?
Them: Milk and sugar is just over there by the door.
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December 1st, 2007 on 21:03
I find that coffee shops really vary as to whether their staff are any good at remembering what I, as a regular customer, usually gets. Caffè Nero is by far the best. In the morning I pretty much get “hi, regular or large today?” plus — which I’ve started to really consider essential — a bit of friendly banter too while they’re preparing my hot chocolate.
December 17th, 2007 on 10:21
A letter arrived addressed to me at m y surgery… Thames Water, “Please ring 0845…… or we will cut off the water supply.
Ring Ring
Me: Hello. I have a lertter saying I must ring you or you will cut off my water.
She: There is no registered user at your address
Me: There has been a Practice here paying for water since 1924
She: You’re not listening. The acoount was closed in 2004
Me: No it wasn’t
She: Let me finish. The account was closed in the name of Dene Lodge Dental Practice in 2004 and reopnedn in someone’s name until December 2007
Me: Whose name?
She: I can’t tell you that.
Me: I pay water rates b y monthly direct debit
She: Please listen to me. There is no account at yopur address
Me: What are you doing with my money?
She: What is the account number on the direct debit.
Me: (givers acount number)
She: That is not the account number on my records…….. !
….er….
December 17th, 2007 on 10:25
How annoying … I’m about to correct spellling and the thin g posts itself … must be something I PRESSED, i SUPPOSE …. SIGH