Grand Designs
by John Walker on Jul.27, 2006, under The Rest
I was shuffling through some folders on my hard drive, trying to find a half-finished thing I’m writing for PC Gamer, when I stumbled upon the original doc for an It’s All Over I wrote… over six years ago. So old.
It’s still probably my favourite thing I’ve ever written in the magazine, and the only running gag I’ve ever initiated. So here is a scan of the printed version, as it’s almost as nothing without the drawings by the in-house team of Gamer in 2000. I’ve no idea to whom this copyright belongs. The text is MINE MINE MINE, but the rest is Future’s. But I don’t care, because they are evil.
A couple of explanatory notes: Back in Those Days, PC Gamer had a section called “Grand Designs”, where readers would send in their awful ideas for games and a developer would be asked to try and be polite in response. And all French games are insane. That’s all you need to know. (I’ve no idea why the stupid wobbly lines are all over it – I can’t make them go away).
July 27th, 2006 on 20:20
There really is something wrong with this monitor … I don’t have any wobbly lines …. what wobbly lines? megabytes of graphic memory and not a wobbly line in sight.
July 27th, 2006 on 23:47
Is the the original release-the-bats It’s All Over?
I’ve seen it credited to “the one with Kieron in a beret” before but I wasn’t buying Gamer at the time.
Cryo’s bizarre and horrible games, though. Ah, memories.
July 28th, 2006 on 00:17
It is indeed.
Everything I ever write in Gamer gets a photo of someone stuck on it, and all the credit goes to them.
NO ONE APPRECIATES ME
July 28th, 2006 on 23:36
Wibbly lines on magazine scans can generally be fixed by using an excess of resolution, and blurring the image lots before resizing back to sane. FWIW.
July 30th, 2006 on 09:47
Future also publish Simpy Knitting. Perhaps you could get me a discounted subscription.
July 30th, 2006 on 21:42
for years i have been asking kith and kin alike about the bats being released, and where the quote comes from. do you mean to say that it was you, john walker, who first coined the phrase? if so, you truly are my hero and in return the words you use will be forever engrained upon my soul
July 30th, 2006 on 22:09
You’ll get nowt from them; Future Publishing also owe me a t-shirt for my ‘letter of the month’ SFX Magazine printed in 1997. I’m still waiting…
July 30th, 2006 on 22:42
Yes. It is true. I am the genius who created the phrase “After 30 days, the bats are released.” I know it seems too much.
August 1st, 2006 on 12:20
Dear John,
I have appreciated you for years (well, your writing, anyway).
Also, I saw the picture of the bats being released taped over Kieron’s desk when I did work experience. It was a great honour.
August 3rd, 2006 on 08:09
Really? You did the bats? Wow. Nice one. I loved that.
It’s all over is great. I remember that one fondly. And the French videogame creator.
August 3rd, 2006 on 15:32
Why are the bats released after 30 days? What do they do in the meantime?
August 3rd, 2006 on 16:58
Tsk, Mr Chris. Tsk.
August 3rd, 2006 on 23:20
….they audition for Die Fledermaus, of course!
In the days when games took longer to load from cassette tape than they did to play there was a German company that made the French seem almost sane
August 4th, 2006 on 08:19
I was obviously not reading PC Zone in its glory days, eh?
August 4th, 2006 on 11:15
That’d better be a deliberate joke, or you’re in a lot of trouble.
August 4th, 2006 on 14:07
I was trying to leave that ambiguous….