“My friend chrissy says that different people are saved by different things at different times in their lives and that dogs in the street often pull cute and funny faces”
I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I have never figured out the whole ‘Venus and Mars’ thing. I’ve also never figured out why men think with their head while women think with their heart. And I’ve yet to figure out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words “I do”.
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says: “I don’t feel like it, I
just want you to hold me”.
I said: “WHAT??????”
So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dread. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. I’m thinking: “What was her first clue?”. I finally realized that nothing was going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.
The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on three different very expensive outfits. She could not decide which one to take so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200.00 a pair to which I say ok. And then we go to the jewelry dept. where she gets a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you…….. she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don’t think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she does not even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was ok.
She was so excited by all of this when she finally said: “I’m ready to go to the cash register”. I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out: “No, honey I don’t feel like buying all this stuff now.” You should have seen her face……it went completely blank. I then said, “Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while”. And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, “You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man”.
I figure that I won’t be having sex again until sometime after the spring of 2008.
Hello, welcome, and sit down. I'm John Walker, a writer based in the UK, and co-editor and co-director of Rock, Paper, Shotgun. This site is the place for my idle, idle thoughts, occasional rants, meandering tales, television reviews, and photographs of a cat. Contact me by email magic for all your Earthly needs. botherer @ gmail . com
November 22nd, 2004 on 15:57
*entertains*
November 22nd, 2004 on 15:57
Me too.
Alternative Essay:
Soleriology
(Words about Solero ice-creams e.g. Delicious, Wet, Sticky, Fruity)
November 22nd, 2004 on 21:50
Does my entertaining have to involve dancing? I’m not very good at dancing.
November 22nd, 2004 on 23:12
Soteriology
“My friend chrissy says that different people are saved by different things at different times in their lives and that dogs in the street often pull cute and funny faces”
[re: entertainment, see dogs]
November 23rd, 2004 on 10:45
One of a number of e-mails:
Dear Diary,
I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I have never figured out the whole ‘Venus and Mars’ thing. I’ve also never figured out why men think with their head while women think with their heart. And I’ve yet to figure out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words “I do”.
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says: “I don’t feel like it, I
just want you to hold me”.
I said: “WHAT??????”
So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dread. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. I’m thinking: “What was her first clue?”. I finally realized that nothing was going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.
The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on three different very expensive outfits. She could not decide which one to take so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200.00 a pair to which I say ok. And then we go to the jewelry dept. where she gets a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you…….. she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don’t think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she does not even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was ok.
She was so excited by all of this when she finally said: “I’m ready to go to the cash register”. I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out: “No, honey I don’t feel like buying all this stuff now.” You should have seen her face……it went completely blank. I then said, “Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while”. And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, “You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man”.
I figure that I won’t be having sex again until sometime after the spring of 2008.