Yeah, Brian’s been dead for ages. But did you know he lives on in the form of greetings cards? YOU SURE DO NOW! (Sorry if the title got anyone excited).

They’re on sale in a shop in Bristol (I’m afraid I don’t know which one, but I’ll find out), with the industrious fellows at Grim & Proper seeking new outlets as we speak. Apparently I’ve even made some money from them. And by “some” I mean “almost none”. But it’s a positive number!

So if you happen to be a giant greetings card businessman, looking for your next range, check out their site (and blush at their own very rude cards – Brian raises the tone considerably with his baby-murdering jokes). Buy tens of thousands of them, and make us all happy. If you’re not a giant greetings card businessman (by which I do mean a giant who buys and sells cards), but spot them on sale in some shop in Bristol, you should definitely buy at least three.

This post will be more useful when I know the name of the shop.

It’s been a while.

By John Walker and Stuart Campbell, Class 4E.

I’m actually properly ill with flu.

I’ve noticed that no one’s allowed to have flu. If you suggest that you have it, you’re very quickly informed that you’re wrong, and have simply “a bad cold”.

Then a number of qualifiers are thrown at you. “Were you to have flu, and you saw £250,000,000 lying on the street, you wouldn’t ask a passerby to pick it up for you.” “Were you to have flu, you’d have shed at least three organs and be lying dead in a pool of your own blood.”

Well, I do have flu, with accompanying fever, delusions, all-over body aches, crazy freezing sweats, and now a wracking, daggers-cough.

Which is a long-winded way of saying: Ow. Ow, ow ow. I just want to sleep. Please, just let me sleep. And: No Brian.

New Brian will be up this weekend folks.

Thank you for your patience and cash donations.