In episode 99C of Rum Doings we don’t even have time to tell you what happened, so quickly have we recorded it and uploaded. Find out for yourself by listening! But we do mention the Muppets, and swearing, and Nick goes on about something or other.

We really do ask you to write a review on iTunes. It makes a massive difference, and helps other people to pay attention to the podcast. Thank you to everyone who has – we’ve some lovely reviews. The more that appear, the more likely iTunes is to take us more seriously. And keep on tweeting and so forth. Please – it’s the only thing we ask of you. And don’t forget to give us a million pounds.

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Rum Doings 99B doesn’t discuss whether a cat or a dog is better, but begins with SCIENCE, as Nick engages in a blind test to see if he can identify the difference between bad tea and decaffeinated tea. We recognise that podcasts are marvellous, ponder if it would have been so bad if SOPA had won, and ask whether there’s a way to find out what words mean.

Which fish is the biggest nob? Why might we not move to America? Was Nick looking forward to FOSDEM because he’d obviously already been. Do we want 3D printers? That’s a question you obviously can’t ask without inevitably talking about making a dildo in the shape of your own penis. Top Chef vs Masterchef: the ultimate battle. Which race does Nick like the least? And John reveals a horrible prejudice. Another one. And we talk a bit about how Rum Doings isn’t copyrighted in any stupid way – see the link at the bottom of this blog for the copyleft license it’s under.

We really do ask you to write a review on iTunes. It makes a massive difference, and helps other people to pay attention to the podcast. Thank you to everyone who has – we’ve some lovely reviews. The more that appear, the more likely iTunes is to take us more seriously. And keep on tweeting and so forth. Please – it’s the only thing we ask of you. And don’t forget to give us a million pounds.

Make sure to follow us on Twitter @rumdoings. If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, which apparently people still do, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

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In episode 99A of Rum Doings – the podcast for the new generation – we don’t discuss whether it’s about time we abandoned the TV license and reintroduced the dog license. And then we took to Twitter to find out what it was we were supposed to be talking about.

Which we then ignore for ages and talk about the importance of rum for preventing heart disease, how you only exist if you podcast, and then finally turn to a tweet for how copyright will be interpreted by the next generation.

Is it more humane to keep a robot pet? Or how about a robot wife? Why aren’t there boobies on children’s TV? And why can’t Sherlock Holmes investigate the missing grammar?

We consider the difficulty curve of petrol stations, the most bestest academic discipline, and then someone flicks the vegetarian-rant switch on Nick. Can a Morman be president of America? And are gays icky?

We really do ask you to write a review on iTunes. It makes a massive difference, and helps other people to pay attention to the podcast. Thank you to everyone who has – we’ve some lovely reviews. The more that appear, the more likely iTunes is to take us more seriously. And keep on tweeting and so forth. Please – it’s the only thing we ask of you. And don’t forget to give us a million pounds.

Make sure to follow us on Twitter @rumdoings. If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, which apparently people still do, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

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Annoyingly in Episode 98 of Rum Doings, we don’t discuss which letters of the alphabet should be removed. But instead we gain insight into the tragedy of John’s life.

We learn how Philadelphian trains cause rampant terrorism, paedophilia and puns. Nick dunks himself into a nice mug of tea, and we consider the artificial nature of jellyfish, the artifice of Hollywood, the artistry of The Artist, and how we hit our wives.

Did Nick ever microwave his baby? Does Dexter still have a pee-pee? Are Smarties right for you? And then we talk about Rock, Paper, Shotgun’s hack, before we move onto Nick’s extraordinary array of retro computer floppy disc sound effects. It’s a thing to behold. Finally we celebrate American diners, then question whether such a thing is possible without poorly paid illegal immigrants.

We really do ask you to write a review on iTunes. It makes a massive difference, and helps other people to pay attention to the podcast. Thank you to everyone who has – we’ve some lovely reviews. The more that appear, the more likely iTunes is to take us more seriously. And keep on tweeting and so forth. Please – it’s the only thing we ask of you. And don’t forget to give us a million pounds.

Make sure to follow us on Twitter @rumdoings. If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, which apparently people still do, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

Or you can listen to it right here!

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In a pre-recorded episode 97 of Rum Doings, we don’t discuss this week’s SOPA activities because we recorded this weeks ago. But it’s the final part of our Judge Coxcombe trilogy, where we take questions from the audience. We begin with some real life, and then quickly get into cuddly character as we question Nick’s absence. We celebrate making money by letting things be free, and then impressively we DO talk about SOPA! We are prescient.

Then we turn to the Twitters to solve your woes. The choice between trifle and banana crunch! Whether Mark Kermode is a big twit (he is)! Dealing with txtspk! The future of newspapers! These exclamation marks feel inappropriate!

We ponder Kunstler, whether it’s okay to associate with people who like George Galloway, how marshmallows predict your future, and the hypothetical kitchen of Nicholas Mailer. And who will Baby Judith grow up to be?

We really do ask you to write a review on iTunes. It makes a massive difference, and helps other people to pay attention to the podcast. Thank you to everyone who has – we’ve some lovely reviews. The more that appear, the more likely iTunes is to take us more seriously. And keep on tweeting and so forth. Please – it’s the only thing we ask of you. And don’t forget to give us a million pounds.

Make sure to follow us on Twitter @rumdoings. If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, which apparently people still do, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

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I recently received the most extraordinary press release, ostensibly sent to me because I’m a games journalist, about the dangers of “Text Neck”. Often when you see something like this it’s a joke, a spoof that eventually links to a game. But this one was entirely serious.

This new phenomenon is caused by “frequent texting or looking down at your mobile device for extended periods of time”. And guess who says this? Why, it’s chiropractors. According to these bastions of medical science, “it is on the rise and is quickly becoming a global epidemic.” That’s honestly their quote.

Ignoring the notion that perhaps people’s propensity to read books for the last few thousand years might have generated similar symptoms, these not-doctors inform us that such activity can cause check soreness and headaches, and even arthritis! If left untreated. Of course. And how?

Why, you could use Topical BioMedics’ Topicin Pain Relief and Healing Cream! And what is Topicin, that this press release fails to mention? It’s a homeopathic remedy, and thus a tube of placebo.

On their website, which hilariously has blocked right-clicking, they state:

“Topricin’s patented homeopathic biomedicine technology is proven effective for arthritis and joint injuries, carpal tunnel and other neuropathies, lower back pain and muscle cramps, night leg cramps and restless leg syndrome.”

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I’ve been bleating away on Twitter all day, probably to the horror of anyone who doesn’t follow me via RPS or Rum Doings, and making my opinions on SOPA and PIPA well known. Rather than repeating the definitions of these Acts, and why they’re the most dangerous infringements of free speech and a free internet imaginable, you can learn all that from here.

But there’s something I want to comment on specifically, and it doesn’t fit in a tweet. I’ve tried. Lots of times.

This line from Kotaku’s missive on why they haven’t blacked out their site as part of today’s international protest sums part of it up for me:

“It’s no wonder that an outfit like the League of Legends creators at Riot Games read that and worry that a livestream of a great LoL match could be found in violation of SOPA the moment someone starts singing the lyrics of a copyrighted song on it. Is that really the kind of stifling of the Internet the writers of SOPA and PIPA are seeking?”

Yes! Yes it is. That is precisely the internet they’re seeking. It seems so outlandish that so many news outlets are phrasing it as if it’s a reductio ad absurdum, throwing their hands up and saying, “This bill’s so crazy it would lead to these wacky outcomes!” as if such a result is a parody of the poorly written nature of the bill.

This is to so frighteningly miss the point as to be all but helping those crafting such bills. By reducing the very intent of terrified industries – they who built their empires around plastic squares and discs that have since been rendered pointless – to a perceived exaggeration, something apparently so laughable as to parody the bills’ intentions, is to ignore the reality of what we are facing.

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It couldn’t be more timely. Two days after I kicked off a bit of a debate about whether it’s appropriate for writers to work for free for professional publications (no, it’s not), Imagine Publishing’s website NowGamer has launched a “competition” to find someone who’ll write for their site, on a regular basis, for no money.

Dressed up as an act of altruistic generosity, the site suggests that this will be an amazing opportunity for a writer to receive exposure on their site. What they don’t point out is how it’s a great way for the site to add regular content without paying for it. Content that will generate them ad revenue, and go toward paying the salaries of their staff. Servants get paid. This is a position below servant.

The title reads:

“Love games? Got a voice? Then you need a blog on NowGamer!”

No you don’t. You really don’t need a blog on a site that is looking to take advantage of someone’s desire for exposure at the expense of their dignity. This refrain that it’s “good for your CV” is such a wretched thing to be said. SO IS A PAID JOB.

There’s no need for me to repeat all the reasons why writing for free is wrong, both for you, and for everyone else in the industry – they’re in the post below.

It’s shocking to me to see a publication being so brazen about what I can only see as exploitation. Perhaps they’ve convinced themselves that they’re doing good in giving someone “exposure”, and have so far avoided thinking about how they would never allow themselves to receive the same treatment.

And what they call a “blog” is in fact filed on the site as a “column”. The column is generally the best paid part of any site, since it’s something given to a specific writer that the site or magazine specifically wants to be writing regularly for them. It’s not a feature any staff writer can fill. It’s something peculiar to that writer, with their name at the top, and thus generally they are paid for at a premium. The cheek of wanting someone to fill such a role for them, without paying, is astonishing.

They sell this by saying,

“Having a published blog is a great way of getting a start in videogames journalism, or you may just have a lot to say about games and want a platform for your opinion. Either way, you’ll be writing alongside some of the industry’s best games journalists.”

Yes, and they’ll be being paid. You won’t. What form of “alongside” is that, exactly?

As the excellent Steve Hogarty pointed out on Twitter, if you want a blog you can get one. You don’t need it to be generating money to pay these guys’ wages.

Imagine – this is shameful. Please stop this immediately. If you cannot afford to pay for a new columnist on your site, I suggest not advertising for one. Especially in a way designed to trick young writers into devaluing their (and thus everyone else’s) words and work to zero.

Edit: Astonishingly, one of the NowGamer writers explains that doing this is “not work”, because it’s a blog. That’s why it’s free. Good grief.

In episode 96 of Rum Doings, the second part of our Judge Coxcombe Trilogy, we don’t discuss whether Windows 8 will be Microsoft’s Window’s Vista, but we do contemplate whether Nick can love himself.

We celebrate the remarkable hero, BushMan, remember when people liked Adrian Chiles, then look forward to seeing Eurovision in a rat-infested shed. Then things fall apart as we disagree on the colours of the days of the week.

Would we teleport? How come Star Trek was so rubbish at computers? Was Ted Heath asexual? And who will be the next leaders of various UK parties? And American. And Russian. We confirm the end of the world, and then it gets really boring when Nick and Martin go on and on about programming languages.

We really do ask you to write a review on iTunes. It makes a massive difference, and helps other people to pay attention to the podcast. Thank you to everyone who has – we’ve some lovely reviews. The more that appear, the more likely iTunes is to take us more seriously. And keep on tweeting and so forth. Please – it’s the only thing we ask of you. And don’t forget to give us a million pounds.

Make sure to follow us on Twitter @rumdoings. If you want to email us, you can do that here. If you want to be a “fan” of ours on Facebook, which apparently people still do, you can do that here.

To get this episode directly, right click and save here. To subscribe to Rum Doings click here, or you can find it in iTunes here.

Or you can listen to it right here!

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A lot of people have responded to the list below by disputing the not working for free clause. I wanted to expand on it a little.

First of all, it’s important to note I wrote “for professionals”. i.e. sites that make money. That’s the crucial point. Writing for sites that don’t make money for free is a good idea. Amateur sites, whether they have ambition to become professional or not, are a great place for writers to cut their teeth. They’re a thing that didn’t exist when I was starting out. In fact, my career began in the gap between the popularity of zines, and the existence of gaming websites. So it’s something I know isn’t necessary for success, but certainly very helpful.

Writing for such sites is a good way to practice your craft, learn the skills of writing, and get noticed. Exposing that work in public is great too, because you’ll get used to feedback. It’s something you can refer to when contacting editors, and it’s also something editors may well be reading themselves.

But it doesn’t need to be an established site. Your own blog is a great place to be writing. The important thing is that you’re writing, getting better, and building up a stock of links you can send to editors. When you email an editor to suggest they give you work, you pick out two or three of your best pieces and you put those links in there. It’s an instant way to prove yourself.

So, to be incredibly clear: there is nothing wrong with writing for free for non-profit making sites. (So long as that site is not making profit for everyone involved.)

BUT, there IS something incredibly wrong with writing for free for sites that do make money. For the reasons I gave in the tips list. And it doesn’t matter how many people tell me it was how they got started, I still absolutely believe it to be wrong.

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