I have opened the door (of my car – not of an aeroplane) while driving along main roads at 70mph, when I realise I didn’t shut it properly when I got in and now all the air and noise is getting in. Nothing bad happens.

More annoying is when someone tries to open the door of the bus when I’m driving it. Trying to board a moving bus this way will cause immediate tests to see if the cash dispenser can be equipped as a melee weapon.

The RSS feed stayed quiet for months and then spewed eleven updates at once, hence, I am a month late!

Basically the story ends with the chap concerned covered in a mixture of his own blood and wee. He had to make up an excuse for his girlfriend when he eventually emerged.

There should be some kind of competition where all the entries have to end with this line.

I have a cartoon on my wall. It shows a stick man walking up to a button. The stickman presses the button and receive a nasty shock. Then there a two possible endings. One says “Normal person – ‘Woah I best not do that again’”. The other says “Scientist – ‘I wander if that happens every time’”. It was given to me by my best mate who says I have no survival instinct which is fair enough. When I was a child I was once a bit too curious about a lamp and lightbulbs. I wondered what magic happened in the socket that made the bulb glow. So I took the bulb out, put my finger in and turned it on. Ouch.

Lovely post Mr Walker.

No, you can’t open the emergency exit doors while a plane is in flight.

I have an impulse to overcorrect people.

Also, I totally claimed back the expenses for the tickets I hadn’t paid for. If MP’s do it it’s ok.*

*see also my auto-erotic hanging incident

As far as kindly impulses, I’ve had bad luck with them, I’m afraid. The first time I came to London I did so by train from Inverness (eek!), and I noticed they charged 20p to get into the toilet at the station in London. I sat a lot of twenty pence pieces on the turnstyle, and, not content to let my good deed get on with itself, I had to sit and watch people take them.

Someone took one and used it, and then a passing security guard noticed them and just took them all.

Also, in the trans-terminal train at Newark Airport, some old guy’s trolley-suitcase thing flopped over, and I bent down to pick it up for him. He actually whacked me in the shin with his cane, snatched the proferred suitcase away, and said, “That’s mine!”

Moments later though, I met my wife for the first time, so that was alright.

What bothers me isn’t that people aren’t polite or kind to strangers (well, that does bother me but that’s a different matter) it’s when I say or offer to do something out of nothing more than courtesy and the other person looks genuinely surprised.

Coming into a train station one evening there’s a woman on the train with an enormous pram and I knew the train/platform gap at that station to be quite large so I asked if she’d like a hand lifting the pram down. The look she gave me before accepting the offer made me sad.

Anyway, ramble over. Go John! Next time I think I could do something like this I shall think to myself: What Would Walker Do?

And hopefully I can make somebody’s day, too. :)